Freedom To Emote

By Nandini Shelat

I sat under the roof,

Of the swing,pretending being aloof.

Did I just start to act?

Or lie,trying to keep myself intact.

When did i break or get hurt,

However,my heart did get inert.

I stared at the sky,restless,

Did I just lose myself in the chase.

I felt a slow wave of sorrow,

And then it did hit me like an arrow.

Why didn't I feel pained,

Because pretending being fine has reigned.

A cold trickle went down my eyes,

Shattering the fine fake ice.

I slowly sobbed,and then sobbed,

It went on until all the water was robbed.

I cried,shuddering into throes of despair,

I could finally let it out,before it got beyond repair.

Did I just feel a high,

Ecstasy took over as I cried.

Am I even real,

I felt beyond happy and surreal.

Never did someone tell me,

Those tears can help me.

I laughed admist of the tear lit night,

Closing my eyes,cherishing my own sight.

Maybe I couldn't see myself laughing,

But I knew it was better than the one busy pretending.

I spread out my arms and twirled,

Fusing with an almost forgotten world.

I found back the girl who loved lavender,

And was obsessed with the chandelier.

My legs felt the soft green carpet underneath,

But it felt like there was nothing beneath.

Floating into weightless exciting skies,

I stood there with twinkling eyes.

Maybe it was just letting myself emote,

Not feigning and then rot.

It was just about flowing,

Into an illuminated world of fireflies,glowing.

By Nandini Shelat