Forever

By Hiya Chatterjee

The low hum of the ceiling fan filled the living room. Kanishk furrowed his brows as he checked the essays. Being the IR professor had its sparks. Sure,  the subject is interesting, and when you are the DPIR of the department,  what else can you want?  But at the same time,  it also had its downsides. The subject is also tricky. It takes a lot of effort to really understand the matter, almost like Physics but with more Philosophy than equations. The  students were asked to submit an essay on the importance of studying IR, a basic and easy one for first years. Kanishk expected all of his students to at least get a B. But it turned out, not everyone knew about this basic thing. 

“Now-a-days ,  children don't learn basic mathematics yet try to learn Logarithm”, he thought while massaging his temples. 

The front door opened and Kanishk looked up to see his wife, arranged wife to be honest,  Aishiki entering the apartment. 

“Oh, you are home, Di!” Kanishk exclaimed with a smile. Aishiki's jaws clenched at the word ‘Di’. When they were in school,  Aishiki was Kanishl's senior. After both of them graduated,  their families thought why not get both of them married?  And boom! Kanishk Roy and Aishiki Bhattacharya were married off! But Kanishk kept calling her Aishikidi, looking up at her with admiration only a junior holds for his senior. For Aishiki the first few months were tolerable. She thought that Kanishk needed time. She thought that soon he would start to see her more as his wife. But no, not even after six months of their married life, Kanishk had not changed. He still called her ‘Di’ in that respectful voice. But Aishiki had enough.

“Kanishk”, Aishiki started,  voice slightly trembling with emotions, “ How long are you going to keep thinking of me as your senior?” 

Kanishk blinked, “ What do you mean Aishikidi?  You are my senior.” 

“That's the problem!” Aishiki bursted out, “ You keep seeing me as your senior, as the student who mentored you during your exams. But I don't want that Kanishk. I want you to see me as your wife!  The one you married for life. Your partner.  Your wife”, then she broke down, “ I am tired, Kanishk. I am tired.” 

Kanishk opened his mouth, then closed it, unable to answer Aishiki. Then he kneeled down and slowly wrapped his arms around her. 

Aishiki stiffened, but soon relaxed and completely broke down in his arms. For a while none of them said anything. For the first time in months, Kanishk held Aishiki like his wife. He ran his fingers through her curls while she wept silently. 

Finally, he broke the silence, “You know Aishiki, it’s not that I don't love you. I do. Believe me, I really do. It's just…. I am scared of showing it.” 

Ashiki pulled back slightly in surprise, “ Scared?” 

With a small broken smile,  Kanishk continued, “Yeah, you remember Sucheta? My best friend during grade 10th?  She - uh, I once loved her. She was my first love. But I wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud. So I showed it in my actions, hoping she would understand. And maybe she did. But one day,  I found out that she was already in a stable relationship with Manik. Do you know what hurt me the most?” 

Aishiki stared at his eyes for a moment before finally answering, “That she hid this fact despite being your best friend. Despite knowing how you felt.” 

Kanishk took a shaky breath and nodded, “From then, I promised myself that no matter what happens, I will never love another. Not because I still love her, but because I did not want to experience the pain again. The pain of loving someone yet finding out that she loves somebody else is worse than anything else. Yet, I fell for you.” 

Kanishk paused for a second. With a tender smile he looked at Aishiki and she felt her breath hitching. For the first time since their marriage,  she saw an emotion in his eyes which she was praying to see : Love. Kanishk took her hands in his, “ I fell for you Aishiki. But the pain, the wound was still there that it became a trauma for me. So I hid my feelings. I was so determined to keep my true emotions hidden, that I loved you from afar, silently, without knowing it was hurting you too.” 

The final sentence came out in a whisper as emotions rolled up in his voice. 

“You don’t have to hide them anymore, Kanishk”, Aishiki said softly as her grip on his hands tightened, “ I am not going anywhere. Because your love is the only one that I crave. And nothing,  absolutely nothing,  can change it. I am yours, Kanishk. Forever”,  and leaned her forehead against his.

“Forever”, Kanishk whispered back with a smile.

By Hiya Chatterjee