For Once

By Purti Sharma

For once in my life, I stayed up all night

The stars asked for company,

But actually, it was my mind that wanted to get high

On the drug of calm, gazing up at the ink-blue expanse,

Not blinking, not once,

Feared maybe losing the ever-so-slight motion

Of the heavenly pieces of nothingness, gazing just like the youth

Gazing at the first sight of the moon- transfixed, stuck, immovable

Yet tranquil and pure.

For once in my life, I cried and I cried,

From the pain of glass breaking inside of me,

A scarlet taint of crockery, that is, in a muted symphony,

The elixir of life dropped, ever so carelessly,

In the snow-white palms and in its face,

All I could find was another visage

Tired of mourning.

For once in my life, I loved, well, I tried,

I owned none of me, but that was the mistake,

I trusted the wrong soul, I thought our boat had set sail,

To the great divine,

When it was still stuck in the mud, right at the coast,

Its sail torn into rags

And its wooden floorboards creaking

Beneath the weight of illusionistic paradise.

For once in my life, I breathed, breathed freely, without fright,

Smelling the sorrow of the fallen yellowed leaves,

The grace of the merry rose and the glee of the cherry sky

The scent took home in my heart.

See through my chest and you'll see not a crimson shuddering organ,

But a rainbow Technicolor, of all that I walked past.

For once in my life, I held, held maybe too tight,

But all it gave me was a bitter lesson,

That everything that has to be held,

Is destined to be let gone. Like sand,

Like time, slipping between the fingers of the so evolved

Yet so helpless mind.

For once in my life, I’ll write, write about all that's in my heart,

Even that which is tightly entangled with my heartstrings,

That which is tucked securely under its walls,

That which is buried in the deepest and darkest of nooks.

But then, who will hug my heartstrings tight?

What would be left to the cobwebbed, dim corners?

So, I believe, unfortunately, I can never part with these words,

These mere alphabets,

That give my heart the very reason to keep beating.

By Purti Sharma