Fight Against Life

By Suseela Jayasimhan

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

As part of our journey,

We have been through them all.

Problems are only to learn from

And evolve through the process.

They are just positive road blocks

To make us stand tall.

Whenever we face any challenges in life

We always have a choice.

We can either whine about the problem

And be miserable thinking about it,

Or accept them as a learning curve.

Do the best we can and emerge as a winner.

Adverse situations hold the most invaluable

Lessons of life.

We would rate them as the real parameters

of growth.

IF we able to successfully navigate the challenges,

that life throws at us, we automatically

Progress to the next step of our life.

Purified as gold in the fire and things boiled in water

We become shine as if the coal taken from a hearth.

We are the part of a same universe,

We are friends and siblings in a same nation.

We have to exchange our worries and sorrows

Just as our happiness and joys.

Our experiences are different in kind but gives us

the same feelings of pains and happiness.

That has to be shared between us.

I going to share some challenges in my life

That had to come across in my life.

Not a poet or a writer but only a housewife,

It’s a true narration of some challenges in life.

Unaware of the reasons of getting too much

challenges in life I got the new lesson

‘That every happens has a reason’.

I am going to describe my fight with the fate

Through wishing a happy birthday to my daughter.

‘HAPPY BIRTH DAY, MY DEAREST DAUGHTER’

The one who is the most favourable part of my life,

The icon of love, the flavour of my faith,

And beautiful girl both in and out,

Strong and capable of doing hard things,

You are the one who loves me and care me

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED ONE’.

When you have my legs on your lap

Clean my feet and nail advising me keeping

My legs neat and clean as I am diabetic,

My heart fills with joy and I am lucky

That I have you as my daughter in this birth.

I bow my head before your unfathomed love.

Your arrival in to my life is the most blessing from god.

I longed for your birth in my womb because it was

an urge to have a daughter in my life.

I am very much blessed now that I could give birth

to a child as you in my life as the 3rd one of my kids.

Love is my religion, its same to you too.

We are loving each other as mother and daughter,

And more like friends in life and we are talking

too much about anything around us.

I am proud of myself thinking about my decision

that have been taken in my life before your birth.

It is because of this decision I got you as my daughter

as the most wonderful blessing in my life.

Everything in the universe works perfectly

We just need to change our perceptive and

Look at the larger picture of nature.

Your arrival to my home was welcomed by your brothers

The elder who was 9 years elder than you and

the next 2 years elder than you who was

a special as mentally retarded by birth.

Thinking myself as one of mothers who is selected

to protect a god’s special creation in this earth,

I accepted the fact that it is the purpose of my life

destined by God in this birth and completely

immersed in getting him up with all my effort.

As he is the treasure in my life and most wonderful gift.

I have showered upon him all my unconditional love.

I am not sad or depressed, angry or guilty,

not filled with regret or helplessness.

But considerate the positive feeling and faced all the challenges attached growing him up.

I was deeply touched but not give in to life and decided

to fight against bad in life and make happiness in life.

The particular situation in life has taught me great lesson,

that no school in world could ever have.

Humility, acceptance and unconditional love.

I firmly believe that a super power exists

who controls everyone in the universe.

We are divine souls on journey of evolution

helping each other grow whatever the relation.

Filled with love sometimes and challenges sometimes,

but all the time moving to reach the goal,

that is love peace and happy to all’.

My disabled son changed my outlook towards life.

I accepted all the issues and challenges that I was facing

as if it is my fate destined by God in my life,

I have trusted him and waited his next plan.

because God has a plan with every one

and we must accept it.

Though the situations and associations

in our life are pre decided, we have been given

the free will and the choice- through our intellect.

To choose how to react to challenges paves the way

to our destiny and our future.

The future is nothing but a matrix of possibilities.

It is in a fluid state.

Our reactions or response to every situations in our life

leads to the next step.

Life was throwing challenges at me at every step testing

my tolerance and perseverance and were observing me.

I chose to face them.

My dear daughter,

Your birth in the earth through my womb was God’s grace.

It is narration of the survival of a situation.

After having a mentally retarded son in my life,

I was advised by doctors not to carry any more,

to avoid the chance of getting another disabled child.

It was a blow to me because I had a dream of having

a girl child in my life that had been beneath my heart.

I was aware of my limitations but ponder on

what I had experienced in life as my fate to give in to,

I had thought about it again and again and fought against

myself being a victim of destiny that throws me conflicts.

I chose to evolve through this ordeal, by displaying

Immense fortitude, and set an example for generation to come.

I had decided to go ahead with my decision

and set out rigorously to achieve my goal.

My challenges had only just begun.

Having my disabled son on my lap,

I was brooding over my dream and I could see

my daughter with different coloured dresses

and hanging studs in her ears, and full of bangles,

in her little hands and her hair tied up with ribbons.

I heard the sound of her anklets and saw her smile.

We will never see challenges as problems but as

our opportunities to learn and grow.

Such challenging opportunities often bring us

high potential and take us closer to the

purpose of our life that is undistinguished.

My surroundings and the people around me were

against my wish as they wished to protect me

of more crisis in life having been one more baby.

I was not free from house hold duties, especially,

In the absence of my life partner because of an NRI,

I had to look for my elder son of 6 years old,

his schooling and his overall health.

Having my little son in hand I managed everything.

My little son needed 24/7 watching as he was hyper active.

I spend my time with him till the elder son back from school.

All the things were going smoothly with my efforts.

Focusing on my feeling underneath my heart

I came to a conclusion of having a girl child in my life.

I thrilled with the decision and kept all my feelings

secretly and decided to receive another blow or bless.

Your father who had been coming on leave for one month

in between 4 months of work, didn’t know about my wish.

But I knew that he will not fight against me for my wish.

Knew about the newcomer when he was on his next leave

after 4 months because I was hiding it from him.

I didn’t like to say out about my pregnancy to protect my baby.

I couldn’t have allowed anybody to compel

to abort my baby in the early pregnancy.

I was sure about the doctors’ contempt and they

they would warn against the risk that involved

in my pregnancy of having another disabled child.

I was stubborn on my decision and was ready

To bear anything to have you in my life.

I stood calmly accepting all her argument.

It was found no outward deformities to my child but not sure

brain development when it was 30 years ago.

I was ready to face any situation thinking that I have been concerned by God

giving me the special child as a grace and

I have been looking for him as my everything.

I always believed that he would give me chance to fulfil

my wish to have a daughter in my life after having two sons.

My belly slowly bulged and I was carrying a child inside

and another one on my bump.

Didn’t get needed rest and healthy food in time.

Nobody was there in my home to help us as my little son

was too naughty to accept by others.

We kept away from others and confined ourselves

in the house being not disturbed and getting hurt by others.

I consulted my doctor regularly with my two sons.

It was a big effort to go out with my little son as it was

very difficult to make him realise to behave himself.

I recollect some unpleasant moments in life with my neighbours

that hurt me deeply, but faced it,

But in hospital we were cared and helped by others.

My doctor who was very much concerned about me

strictly instructed to the staff for helping me by caring my little son

when I am with the doctor for my usual visit.

They cared me and sympathised and eagerly waited

to know whether I have been blessed by a girl child or not.

They also prayed for getting my wish to come true.

Sometimes it became difficult to manage everything by myself.

As there is no help from outside even from my partner

who was an NRI and came on leave for one month

in between 4 months.

My condition became worst, I felt a severe back pain once

and was admitted in the hospital for further treatment.

We stayed there and advised bedrest.

I was sure about not getting bedrest except having injection

to cure my back pain.

We slept on the floor in a mat together at night

because my little son insisted to sleep with me.

After the first hours of sleeping on the floor over the mat

I had woken up with a feeling of numbness on one side of my bump.

I stood up and sat on the cot waiting for a movement

from inside but didn’t get any sign for minutes.

My bump was stiffened as a rock when my heart

filled with fear as there was no movement inside.

I have decided waiting for a minute before switching

the bell on for nurses to help.

Even if I was in a fear of something happened to my baby

as there was no movement felt

I still waited with a burdened heart and pleaded myself,

that God wouldn’t have given more pain to face again.

Waiting anxiously for a movement from inside

I was fighting with my inner conflicts that feared of having another challenge in my life.

I tried consoled myself and keep away from all the negative feelings.

Focus on my inner feelings I did forget my surroundings

and my hand didn’t stretch towards the bell switch.

Continuing in a state of statue I forgot everything.

I had undergone physical and emotional stages

as an expectant mother and had formed an emotional

bond with my baby right from the foetal stage.

So, it would be a big blow if something

happened to my baby.

Nobody was there to shoulder my head or hug me to solace.

I sat with a numbness over mind and body.

My heart just crumbled under the heavy load of guilty and

regret, I didn’t know how much time I sat like a statue.

Suddenly felt a movement from inside that brought me to

outer situation and I came to my consciousness and felt

triumphant and it was as if won the world.

Because it was my great achievement that I could protect,

my baby in such an adverse situation.

I was too much enjoyed as returned from hell to heaven

I called nurses and they have ensured the baby has no problem

it got movement and heartbeat from inside.

I was discharged after my treatment and we returned to

the hurry burry of our life.

Having my little son on my bump I did all the works

because he was not only mentally retarded but also

hyper active in nature and I couldn’t let him down the floor

without strict watching by someone who knows his nature.

My elder son would manage him except me.

I would have been waiting for my son to return from school

to hand over my little son.

Being finished 9 months we went for another consulting

With my husband as he was on leave, but found BP variations

and decreasing heart beat to baby.

I was shifted to the operation theatre but knew nothing

When opened my eyes hearing someone calling me by my name,

Between conscious and unconscious realm, I found it was my doctor,

Who was calling me to bring back to the conscious stage,

I didn’t know whether it is a girl or a boy baby,

but the doctor informed it was a girl baby as if my wish.

My heart leaped to see you but you were shifted to neonatal.

My disabled son was making too much problem insisting to

See me.

After shifting me to the post operative they brought you

In the room.

I saw my fulfilled dream figured as you, snow white body,

black hair very straight, small lips with blood red colour

and the shining eyes in your cute face.

You stared at me as you were asking the permission to live with me forever.

I felt my heart racing with happiness and I am very much thrilled

that I have been given my daughter. and my efforts

My efforts didn’t come all in vain and I felt satisfied.

My heart told me you will be my savour.

Yes, you are my savour now, you are caring me like a mother to her child,

You are the one who is the best part of my life,

You are moon light in the darkness of life

It is my luck that I have you in as my daughter.

You are the grace of God that I have been given as a reward in my life.

Now you are the one who catches my heart beat in my worries and sorrows.

Now you are trying to keep me away from the pain of losing my disabled son in an unexpected moment.

I know you tried your best to save his life as you are a doctor now.

You are trying to make feel happiness in my life and arranges trips to change my mood even if it is short between your duties.

Now I am happy to think about my daughter and proud about your loyalty.

You are doing your duties whole heartedly with such dedication.

I am sure you will become an asset in your field and rewarded for your dedication as blessings from god .

I am very proud of you my daughter and wish you all the good in life.

WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BELOVED DAUGHTER

AND MANY RETURNS OF THE DAY.

I wish you the strength to face challenges with confidence

along with the wisdom to choose your battles carefully.

I wish you adventure on your journey and may you always stop to help some one along the way.

Listen to your heart and take risk carefully,

Remember how much you are loved within my heart.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, LOVE YOU FOREVER MY SWEET HEART.

By Suseela Jayasimhan