Fantasies

By Ruhani Banga

every step of my life,

i have been alone

and so, help me God

i know i will be ahead

i feel so unworthy,

of love

of power

of existence

of unknown fantasies

every step of my life,

my tears create an ocean

was ‘i love you’ a lie,

or a devotion?

because everyone,

seemed to walk out on me

when i was,

broken beyond a point

but i stayed

i stayed

and i stayed…

my anxiety goes on,

to be the cause of

my cold heart

my warm tears

and my untamed fantasies

do i even make sense?

because i feel so alone

i feel so lonely,

seems like no one needs me

no one cares anyway,

because they’ll just brush it off

and say,

‘oh, it’s just a phase’

i still can’t find a way,

that shows you

how alone i am

sitting at home,

in my loneliness

can someone save me?

because whispers of my heart,

don’t reach my mind

i don’t know.

should i end it?

should i stay?

are they better off without me?

the only loneliness i know,

is when the monster under my bed

doesn’t seem to be awake

but my mind,

has been the monster all along

my heart is in lack of canopies,

my blood is in lack of me

and to top it all…

i’m still alone

in all my fantasies.

By Ruhani Banga