Family And Other Half-Hearted Endeavors

By Aamina Rahim

Most days, these days

I can’t lift myself off my blue velvet praying mat

not because of compelling faith

but because my knees hurt, my back constantly aches

just so, I exist in my family’s ecosystem

my joints lock me in place, my body moves out of habit

I know I should enter

the living room with devotion

but I come out of compulsion, I stay because my body is too tired to rebel

Faith and family

Have both been inheritance

but my heart isn’t in both places

bare minimums underline my strongest relationships

I only just learned to be angry

I only just learned how to best be myself

I only just learned that I have some freedom

and I don't think you should come to faith or family out of guilt

it should be a place of comfort, belonging

yes you owe some allegiance, there’s loyalty to be paid

but as a deserving equal who is always reassured that her family, faith needs her as much as she needs them

in family and with God

I fight for my right to be worthy, to not be of their liking, and still be loved

as I can't run away from my skin, I can't run away from family, and faith — akin to skin

By Aamina Rahim