Fake Life

By Jeevansh Balachandran

In this cold pouring of rain

There’s still the warmth of tears on my face

Everything’s so cold and my heart’s lost all of its flame

I wanna rest my body forever in peace but my mind’s running wild

And yet again I move out with a fake smile

I’ve been lost lately thinking to escape to eternity for a while

But somethings you can’t accomplish no matter how much you try

I’ve been wrapped around lies that are suffocating me

I’ve been trying to yell but I can’t even squeak

I’ve been calling the happy me but he’s been away since a long time

My mind’s been so numb that I don’t even remember myself

People faking to be mine and I don’t know why

But I’ve still been true within all their lies

Always ignored bad stuff giving myself a ray of hope

But now that ray has been disappeared and there’s no scope

I’ve been trying to find my purpose of existence

Got so my strings but a solid answer was none

Then I asked myself was I ever even alive?

Or was I just a smiling corpse walking for a while

I ignored these questions at the moment anyway but,

These thoughts later got my nerves numb

When I looked for real friends there were none

I was under the dark sky, no stars just the dark old sky

Guess it resembles my dark and lonely life

Stuck in the same place waiting for the guiding star of my dark life

I know that I’m lost, I’m tired, I’m weak and I’m human

People forget how they hurt each other in an unknown manner

I’ve been kind to anyone I know trying my best not to let anyone go

I’ve been the same this whole life of mine

I tried to change but I couldn’t, guess I was already dead inside

I’ve been stumbling in this fake life again and again

Can’t ever be ready for this place no matter how much I prepare

I can’t tell, I can’t yell, I wanna search my soul but it’s long dead

I don’t wanna share anything again because I don’t know who’s real and who’s fake

So I guess it’s better to be alone rather than be surrounded by snakes

I used to say I wanna live my life without regrets

But now it feels like this life will be my one and only regret

And I don’t wanna live forever but I don’t wanna die too soon

My life’s strangling me between these two

I guess I’ll live some more to see what happens next

This covid showed the true colours of everyone

Small rooms made hearts even smaller

Masks hiding their reality and how much their mentality has fallen

Guess I’ll keep observing these for sometime more and remember everything

So that I can laugh at these in my afterlife sitting beside The Almighty

By Jeevansh Balachandran