Emotions And Competition

By Manishika Shukla

World is hushing, seems that time is running really fast on it’s track. You stop in a while, you can lag behind. Realities getting concealed by idealism, the ideals if achieved  are an imagination to others who then follow the trail you left behind.

The road isn’t easy though,

“Life is full of hurdles” says every middle aged person ever. Do I hear every middle aged person? Do their words affect me anyhow?

Quite unsure about that! That is the witchcraft of my age, that is the sorcery of everyone that is into the competitions now.

Aspirants— if that is the correct word for what I should call myself now, I’ll begin it with this. Doesn’t matter whatever you are aspiring, be it any field, we were born in a crowded place; all just to fade in the crowd?

Not always people achieve to get what they want, sometimes life has better plans.

Not always as well we can see the better plans, obvious much for people who are no fortune tellers or astrologers working with some planets and linking it to human spaces.

As someone in a competition for the best, I’ve seen both people evaporating as well as condensing with the extreme pressure.

We are held to the expectations of the society, the belief of our parents, the hopes of the teachers. Amidst all this, is there something that is actually ours?

Sometimes everyone fails to realise that we have a life too! A life like theirs. We too love when people come to us for something other than asking a record of the whole day, of every minute invested in the whole day.

We love when we get to talk about the road we might would have taken but chose to dissolve ourselves with the expectations of people around us. 

For us, life never takes a pause. We look back in a while to appreciate the current view, we end up missing a few upcoming views.

There are a lot of things that influence us everyday, ranging from friends partying while we are preparing for an upcoming test to people feeding their passions while we are trying to con ourselves to believe that our life would be better at some point.

As a teenage girl into a competition, I myself am influenced by a lot. 

Insecure of the way I look, disappointed at the results of the recent test, tired of working and ending up with nothing in hand, scared of ruining everyone’s expectations, worried of having no friends to share things with, a lot to say but no one to hear.

I love when someone acknowledges my problem and doesn’t make me feel that I am overreacting to something which can be easily fixed. A third eye perspective can never judge enough to solve things without bringing a drastic change to the current pattern that life has been running with.

People around me like less to hear what I say and more to brag about how they’ve overcome a far more difficult situation meanwhile I am crying for an easy struggle.

“My life is a reality and not your fancied imaginations.” You see my life as a pretty thread, I see the tangles!

Thoughts surround me day and night, letting  myself feel guilty over things that although don’t count big on a daily basis but seems big when kept repeating. Every time when something slashes my head brings out questions that ask if I am enough?

I am the main character of my life, still when I’ll look into others’ life, I might be only a subsidiary presence.

There is nothing wrong in being merely a subsidiary presence in someone’s life but the problem occurs when you’re last into everyone’s priority orders.

That’s what I fear! The fear of ending up with nothing in hand. Walked on this road and what if I don’t reach the destination?

What if I never could figure out the path to my destination? How will I look back to the people who I left in the midway. 

Scary thoughts! 

These are the common competition horrors.

Sometimes, there’s a strong feeling that asks me to give up on this wordly world and to lead a life near the willow tree. To live a life like I want to! To live without the fear of tomorrow and the guilt of yesterday.

As an aspirant, living in the present is not something that I’ve done, and might not ever do until again some spell casted on my mind changes it. 

I’ve appreciated everything life threw onto me and still would continue to, because not always life gives you options, sometimes life makes the choices and you follow it.

Blindfolded by life again, I decide to move where life takes me to. Every step I take towards tomorrow is a step I take away from yesterday. 

Somewhere between present, past and future, sits my soul guiding me out of the mistakes yesterday, the routine of today and the fear of tomorrow. I trust my soul. The soul never dies! So doesn’t that technically mean that my soul saw every world, probably my eyes couldn’t see in a lifetime. Doesn’t that technically mean that the soul is the oldest trustworthy that resides within me? 

But still at the end of the day, all I would crave for is some amount of care you bestow upon me.

Doesn’t matter if the craving is unholy.

By Manishika Shukla