Dear Grandpa

By Rachana Murthy

I was only 12 when I heard the news first

On my list of bad days that one was probably the worst

My feral screams fell on ears that’s couldn’t hear

And my head rested on arms that couldn’t hold me tight and say “ everything will be ok my dear”

As you lay wrapped in white I still can’t believe we reached this day

You’re so close yet you’re already worlds away

It’s been a decade now and there’s still a void in my heart

Even though you’re not around I don’t feel like we’re ever apart

Your essence is still in my childhood room

It’s in the elephant tusk chest you gave me and in every heirloom

You’re in the rings in your cupboard

And in the gemstones and artefacts you’d always hoard

I remember talking to you for hours on end

And when mamma would scold me you’d always be there to defend

I recall watching Mahabharata with you

And listening to your ghost stories and believing them all to be true

I remember us laughing in the park as you’d gently push my swing

I wish I had saved the dairy milks you’d get from your walks , I wish I had saved everything

I miss your old grey eyes and the wrinkles around them too

And your weak arms that were strong enough to carry my childhood woes

On my 11th birthday you had written me a letter

And no matter how bad my day was reading it always made me feel better

I’m studying medicine now , in a lab coat , all white

And if you’re proud of me , can your star twinkle a little brighter tonight?

I’m still mad at you for leaving me so early on in life

And I still am not so good at handling my grief and strife

I hope heaven has all your favourite books in a huge library

And when I look up at the sky I know you’re watching over me

By Rachana Murthy