Confessions

By Nazrio Juoanna Alvinkaruna

I confess I’ve not been kind,

To any of you especially my mind,

I’ve filled you with all those dreadful, spine - chilling thoughts,

Late at night, with no one to even listen blindly,

I’ve overthought every action, every moment,

Begging you to become silent,

Even though I knew you were just aching in the benignant,

I know I’ve hurt you in every possible way,

I’ve pushed you to think of negativities when all you wanted was things to be okay,

Always on the run, always looking for insecurities,

I’ve made my own mind a villain against me,

I owe you an apology,

I confess I’ve not been kind,

Not even to my own body,

It was supposed to be home, like a sacred temple,

The goddess inside should have been flourished with affection and admiration,

Kept delicate and frail at all times,

Yet, I filled you with high doses of caffeine while limiting your food intake,

For even when I knew it was wrong, sleep deprived and depleted,

I made you carry on unwillingly,

Criticising every curve and edge you had,

It was time I gave you some appreciation for keeping me the way I am,

Never thought self love was important till you were the only one I had,

Pushing you in every way to be perfect in the midst of others,

I confess I’ve not been kind,

My heart aches in the pain I’ve caused you to endure,

When I should have left you to rest, I didn’t,

Carried on through all those burdens, like you were some kind of robotic fulfilment,

I promise now that I will take care of you more than ever,

You are important, you are needed,

I confess I’ll be kind to you.

By Nazrio Juoanna Alvinkaruna