Confession

By Ankur Das

I'm not the perfection that you are trying to find in me. I'm just as imperfect as your old grandfather whom you don't take anywhere with you cause he doesn't understand your vibes. I'm a boy with lots of insecurities within me. I want to be fairer. I want my face without the pimples. I want perfect hair, perfect skin that I don't have.

I'll not say that I'm so happy carrying these things in me. I try to be happy and that's the truth.

There are guys out there who'll say they never proposed anyone but in my case I don't even open up thinking that I'll get rejected or else I know I'll be rejected. I'm not the cool, smart wannable adult that you want to be your friend or you can just say I'm the epitome of uncomfortable people you can ever meet. I just have mood swings that even I can't handle. I'll be happy at a moment and then I'll hate that why I was so happy.

Sometimes I hate myself not more than anything because I think I am not even a good son, good brother and good friend, sorry let it be.

I'm so afraid of people whom I haven't even met, they are the social media friends because I'll be judged by them. They'll have perception about me.

I try to be someone else who is not me. I try to be someone about whom everything I like but I just don’t want to be myself.

Even my mom curses me. I don't do things properly. I don't help her. I am not loved by anyone in my surrounding I can say. They are just paying attention because I am born.

As a boy, not having fair skin, having pimples on the face that is visible, having less facial hair, all you can hate is in me. So do I.

I'm not the perfect person you are searching all over. Maybe I'm just like the guy in your school or college you find in a corner or maybe with a bunch of people. You just don't care about him because he is unpredictable. Nobody gives a shit about him.

That is me. Sorry I'm not the person you are searching for.

By Ankur Das