Conditional

By Kelton "KC" Castillo

I just realized that I have never been loved unconditionally,

I’ve never been loved the way I want to be loved, the way I should be loved.

In a romantic relationship: I always cater to my partner, but don’t get the same in

return.

I am loved under the conditions that my energy does not overwhelmed

them(although they claim to love my energy at first),

that I open up(but don't get upset when they decide to not do the same or

abandon me),

that I trust them completely(but don’t expect the same trust back),

and that I love them unconditionally(but that I understand that they can’t do the

same).

In a platonic relationship: I am the one that’s always there for others when they’re

going through stuff, I always listen if they want to talk. But when it's my issues I

am left to deal with them alone.

I am loved under the conditions that I can always be reliable(but understand that

they can’t do the same because they lead busy lives),

that I listen to them and give them proper advice(but understand that they aren’t

good at that, so they can’t do the same for me),

and that I love them unconditionally and accept them for all they are(but

understand that I have to act a certain way to make them look good, and not

regret our friendship).

In my family: I used to strive for perfection because that’s what my parents

wanted. They claimed they didn’t want perfect children, but they did.

I was loved under the conditions that I did good in school(“you don’t have to be

the smartest, but understand that if there is anything under and ‘A’ in that report

card, your ass will get it”),

that I’m a “good” boy and grow up to be a “good” man(by their standards of

course),

and that no matter what they say, have said, or have done to me, that I love them

unconditionally. “Honra a tu padre y a tu madre dice la biblia”, that’s what they

remind me almost everyday.

Éxodo 20:12: “Honra a tu padre y a tu madre, para que tus días sean

prolongados en la tierra que el SEÑOR tu Dios te da”.

Exodus 20:12: "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in

the land the LORD your God is giving you”.

By Kelton "KC" Castillo