Chaotic Introspection

By Laura Marie Wingate

I’d like to write a poem about 

The thoughts inside my head

About the times I feel like god

Or wish that I were dead

It’s never been an issue

Cause I’ve never been assessed

Cause it’s never been a problem

That I’ve openly confessed

But now I’m getting older

Life is getting quite involved

As I start creating friction

My heart starts growing cold

A part of me wants to retreat

And lock myself up tight

Another part is angry and

Initiates a fight

I never knew of terror when 

I was a little girl

Now fear is such a part of me

It makes me want to hurl

I guess this is a turning point

Admit to my demeanour

Now I can start to let go of

The harsh hell-shaking screamer

A demon in the shadows 

Took my unsuspecting mind

Cause I let myself think negative

Ignored the hints and signs

So now I am obsessed with

A darkness that’s so strong

I cannot walk away from it

I’ve followed for too long

I guess I should have listened

When my mother warned me so

But now I hear her screeching

That she says she told me so

And I still hear the voices in my head

Retaliate

They’re screaming out obscenities

Of anger, fear, and hate

They want the world to listen

But don’t want to be removed

They want me to surrender

So their sovereignty is proved

But I am strong and steadfast 

I’ll fight it to the death

I will not let it beat me

Although it’s quite a stress

I’m starting to feel hopeless

Someone please come to love me

Now don’t come any closer

You’re trouble – I can see

I’ll go to bed real early

And sleep away my guilt

Until I wake at 3am

Like ‘She-ra’ I am built

I have got such beauty

Such intelligence and charm

Now I can do anything

No one can cause me harm

I don’t care what you say to me

I can take on the world

I will do it this afternoon

After lunch is held

Why do you look at me that way?

You think that I’m a fool

You talk about me endlessly

People are so cruel

And so the demon speaks again

And I fall into a low

Can you stop this chaos cycle?

Cause it’s tossing me to woe

By Laura Marie Wingate