By Vidhishree Bhide
Some centuries ago, the basic human needs were food, water, air and shelter. All the daily activities of mankind evolved around fulfilling those very needs. According to Maslow’s hierarchy; today along with the above (which are termed as physiological needs), humans also have physical, emotional, mental, relational and spiritual needs to grow and develop. Personally, I think the people of the world need so much more. Today we are experiencing advancements in all fields such as technological, industrial, medical, infrastructural, educational to name a few.. But are they truly benefiting everyone fairly? Do we as women, children, and men in India get satisfactory access to our needs, do we fare well in the work we do and are we happy or content with the world that we live in? At the end of the day, people still struggle to find peace while going to sleep and the youth is getting influenced by fanatical doctrines and extremist principles leading them to be more confused, then what do all our achievements amount to? If the women in today’s modern world fail to be out at night without fearing safety or judgement then have we really progressed? Today’s youth already has endless suggestions on how to be more productive, what to buy, which road to follow, what to listen to next and the technologies helping this are easily available right in your palm. Parents of this generation are spending their time, money and energy in giving their children what they couldn't have for themselves instead of guiding them to become better individuals. It feels like we are removing inconveniences from life using these technologies that have created an illusion of being in ‘control’ of destiny and have made us less worried about the unknown. However uncertainty is a fact of life and one way we can truly identify our strengths and vulnerabilities is in our capability to deal with the problems that arise unforeseen. It is what drives us to be the better version of ourselves. If the risks are taken away, the learning opportunities go away too and today’s lifestyle is making people narrow their horizons which should be unbiasedly explored. That's one reason I have special admiration for people of previous generations who have shown the strength of their character through their daily struggles without the help of technologies assisting them. They had to channelise their inner beings to pave a way for earning respect, love and acknowledgment they duly deserved. They have shown us what sacrifice is, what it means to be selfless, the difference between right and wrong and what it means to thrive. They knew what to pursue, how to be practical, how to respect another human being. Most importantly they knew their rights and duties as an individual, as a member of the family and as a responsible citizen. They learnt it the hard way, through their own share of experiences. I daresay they were more successful than we are today as unlike us they did not have algorithms guiding them in every other activity nor did they seek instant gratification after completing their tasks. Did they have it all? Were they deep down content with their situations? Probably not or who knows.. But they were definitely more resilient, undaunted in the face of life, and had a good clarity on their morals and principles, something we can all try to inculcate. Here are some incidents to highlight how people behave when they have their minds set in the right place, their objectives defined and trust in their judgments.
1923 - Sacrifice
The rain lashed against the windows of their Konkan wada. ‘She’ breathed a sigh, the usual discomfort had kicked in.. It was the start of her 8th month of the pregnancy and she knew in her heart that it would be a son. She knew in the previous three pregnancies as well that they would all be boys.. It was an instinctive gut feeling. She however had wished for a daughter this time, how lovely it would be to raise one in the wada and then dress her up in a parkar polka of her finest silk. How fondly the brothers would care for her.. Her thoughts were broken by the loud thunder and the sharp lightning that followed. It was unusually late for her husband to come back and she was sure something had held him up due to the rains. Her two young boys had run off with the pretext of receiving their father at the bus stop but in reality they wanted to play in the rain all the way. Some time passed away and worrying thoughts started creeping in her mind. She lit up a couple more oil lamps in the entrance and the window waiting for her family to come back. When the wooden door resounded with a loud impatient bang, she knew something wasn't right. Holding her belly she approached the door cautiously, adjusted her nauvari and opened the door to let in the crowd that stood outside. The darkness engulfed her worst nightmare, and she couldn't process what she saw. Four people hurried in carrying her husband who had suffered a heart failure. Then came her youngest boy, at mere 3 years, who found it difficult to register the seriousness of the situation. The elder son of 8 years old had a sinking feeling hearing the whispers and sympathetic words spoken to the mother. The husband had passed away before he entered the wada and her whole world came crashing down. She froze, totally unable to process the torrent of thoughts that awaited to burst. Her grief had just begun.. She placed a hand on her belly and prayed to Lord Shiva. Her baby would be born in the world fatherless. She felt alone, lost, desperate and inexplicably sorrowed. How would she face life, how would she support herself and the boys? The eldest was studying in Poona and not even staying with her. She wasn't sure how she would handle such a terrible blow. 15 days later when the family had just emerged from the funeral rites, she delivered a baby boy with the help of midwives in the wada. She felt empty from the inside and truly sorry for her kids. ‘She’ had lost her joy, her support, her love and her strength overnight. She tried making sense of the whole situation with the bundle in her lap. In the time when India was ruled by the British and the society was predominantly male oriented she felt an utter sense of helplessness. It took her two years to actually accept that she was her own and she had to resort to some means for her children’s upbringing. There wasn't a concept of domestic help at the time and she knew it would be her alone facing life as it came then onwards. She sold off whatever they owned to get some money. The eldest son had to leave his education halfway and join the department in place of his expired father and the youngest needed the mother’s constant attention. She thought a lot about how she would take care of the family.. ‘She’ was a woman with little to no exposure to the outside world, and hardly any academic educational qualification but she possessed a strong will and immense hopes for all her children. She recognized education would help her sons carve their future and she wouldn't want them to be deprived of it. With a heavy heart she moved her sons to Poona at such a young age and they were enrolled in an orphanage. She knew she would constantly worry about them and keep missing them but it was impossible to raise all four of the boys at the same time and give them a good education in the village. She wrote to them, encouraged them to be good humans, responsible for their own lives. She taught them the importance of education, maintaining good health and striving to be smart enough to earn a livelihood for themselves. Her sons did her good. The eldest earned by working in the government job, the middle sons got educated and the youngest son helped restore the family house and got everyone together. For her children, she was both the mother and the father. She did not let her grief take over her duty as a parent and although she missed her husband she found solace and peace in seeing her children become successful. She became the source of courage and inspiration for her future generation
1971 - Family, Love
‘He’ was walking down the corridor of the IIT Kanpur holding the medical report and his marksheet. He was torn between feeling happy for his performance in the final exams for his Masters degree and at the same time feeling scared at the diagnosis that had just come through. An injury from a few years ago healed on the outside but kept on deteriorating his kidney and had by now gone completely unrecognisable. The constant fevers and chills were hard to explain but a thorough scan showed the damage to the internal organ. He had been instructed to get it operated and removed as soon as possible as keeping it would be fatal to his life. He packed his bags and rushed to the train station to head back to his home in Poona. After the operation went successful, he had been explained through multiple follow-ups regarding the lifestyle changes he needed to survive on one kidney and the human body’s infinite capacity to adapt and heal itself. He was apprehensive at first but never easily deterred. He had a very positive attitude towards life and a jovial nature. He was smart and well educated, passing out from one of the most prestigious universities of India and attaining an M.Tech degree. He later went on to work with renowned companies like BHEL (Bharat Heavy Electric), Kirloskar, Bosch and Telco. He had an insatiable zest for life and kept himself updated with the inventions in the mechanical engineering field by reading and participating in R&D projects globally. On a personal front, he found it hard to get married as the girl’s parents would be impressed by the personality and educational qualifications but were reluctant to marry off their daughters when they came to know he was surviving on one kidney. Women were afraid to take that kind of risk to spend the rest of their life with. He was lucky enough to find a suitable girl at the age of 31 and get married to her. The first year was a bliss and later the wife gave birth to a lovely daughter, she had blue eyes and the fairest of pearly skin. She was however a prematurely delivered baby and the midwives were not careful to make the baby cry as soon as it was born. This little delay in baby breathing its first, led to a medical condition of cerebral palsy and the world came crashing down for him and his wife. They went all over India to meet with genetic counsellors, neurosurgeons in hopes of a treatment for the baby but it seemed reversible. This was a first case of its kind and they viewed this more as a study experiment than promising result. ‘He’ was courageous, he wouldn't give up that easily.. He loved his family too much to get disappointed by it. He vowed his entire life to care for his daughter, provide for her, give her good shelter and love her and make her feel so loved. She was a challenged person but he never let her feel that way. It was very inspiring to all other parents around him to see him caring for her unconditionally.
These aren't just any random people, these are actual people in flesh and blood who displayed strength of character, who loved unconditionally, who were helpless due to situations and technology or science or the society couldn't be of much help in their case. There are millions of such people out there who have realised there is something greater than money, fame, degree, validation.. It is in peace of mind, caring for a loved one, being courageous, inspiring. And yet were they entirely happy with the way things happened? Would we, given a chance, change our actions or decisions? Will it guarantee us fulfilment? Maybe no, May we cannot have it all but that's the whole point of life’s journey.. That we continue to keep going on, learn from our experiences and strive to be better than what we were yesterday.. The quest should go on..
By Vidhishree Bhide
Very well written
very well depiction of incidences! nicely written article. Good luck
nice article, keeps you engaged
Nice read!
Very well written!