Battle For The Bathroom Door

By Danielle Hazart

Tallulah wondered if she’s ever seen it before,

the barnacle perched on the wall behind her bathroom door.

Almost pretty sure, but yet, not quite,

that this was the first time it’s caught her sight—

the lone barnacle with a concave core

sitting on the wall behind her bathroom door.

Tallulah washed her hands then shook them dry

Walking through her brain, trying to pry

for an instance where she may have caught a glimpse,

a date that had gone unknowingly missed,

a time where she might’ve ignored

the barnacle’s sudden appearance behind her bathroom door.

Thirty times that evening, she would arise

and interrogated her brain for any lies.

She would walk into her restroom then turn around,

doing her best not to make any sound

that might startle her new and unsettling decor,

the barnacle behind her bathroom door.

She could not sleep in her house knowing it was there

comfortably making her bathroom it’s lair.

“It’s just a barnacle,” she said again and again

even though she couldn’t tell from when

such a creature would have left the shore

just to be a barnacle behind her poor door.

Tossing and turning the entire night,

she tried not to ponder on the peculiar sight.

She avoided her restroom while readying for the day,

happy for the reason she was given not to stay

in her small apartment with the intention to explore

why there was a barnacle behind her bathroom door.

Without rest, Tallulah made her way to work

where she realized she now had an unusual quirk.

She couldn’t focus on her tasks at hand

and she couldn’t follow any basic commands.

How could she attend to such trivial chores

when there could be barnacles growing behind her unsuspecting doors?

She ran home quickly, mirroring the thoughts in her head.

“What if there are barnacles suddenly growing in my bed?

Or maybe in the kitchen, underneath the sink?

Or any crevice or corner that may reek or stink?

I must go check that they’re not all over the floors

and that there are no barnacles behind anymore of my doors.”

When she got home, she was pleased to see,

her floors were quite clean, and her home smelled of tea.

Still, she went and checked every space she could

to make sure everything was right and good.

She finally checked her bed before

she went back to check behind her dubious door.

As she walked to her commode, fear followed near

the dreadful feeling filled her insides up to her ears.

Maybe it was a dream and her worries were false—

such an idea was simply her brain’s fault.

If so, she wouldn’t worry about this anymore-

about the barnacle behind her dubitable door.

But as one should expect, it never said goodbye.

Instead, much to her disgust, it grew bigger in size.

Before the barnacle had been no bigger than a dime.

Now, as she stared, it was the size of a lime.

Horror settled deep in her as she stared at the pestilent pore,

the growing barnacle behind her bathroom door.

She called in the next day, claiming to be sick,

failing to mention what was causing her such an ick.

Sitting on her toilet, she watched in vain

as the unremarkable barnacle stayed the same.

Had she imagined the size it was before?

Was it always that big behind her bathroom door?

Failing to fall asleep, hoping not to miss

any changes in the environment where she used to peacefully piss,

sitting in the bathroom, glancing at the ugly thing,

she brought in her phone once it began to ring.

“You’ll never believe it,” Tallulah said, “It’s such an eyesore!

There’s a barnacle growing behind my bathroom door!”

Her friend on the line was quiet for a beat,

unsure if it was a teasing story of deceit.

“A single barnacle, you say?” Tallulah’s friend had asked,

wondering if this was the cause of Tallulah’s sudden contrast.

The friend thought, “There’s no way this was all for

some barnacle growing behind a door”.

Tallulah had missed work and hadn’t slept,

all strange occurrences, since she was so well-kept.

But now she seemed to be too concerned

with the new feature her bathroom had earned.

Was it necessary to make such an uproar

over a stupid barnacle behind Tallulah’s dumb door?

“Don’t you think you’re being a fool?

They’re like any other barnacle we’ve learned about in school.”

Tallulah decided to ignore her friend’s help,

not doing as she was told and instead bought some kelp.

Using the kelp as a shield from the dreaded pore,

she covered the barnacle behind the dreaded door.

That night, after convincing herself to fall asleep,

Tallulah dreamt she was on a ledge of a hole too deep.

When she tried to jump to the otherside,

the hole had swallowed her, but she didn’t die.

Instead she fell and fell, as her mind gathered even more

thoughts of the barnacle behind her baleful door.

She woke up in a panic, with need to confirm

that the kelp had finally rid her of the offending germ.

The cursed barnacle should surely be gone!

But alas her bathroom was now babylon

as there was no longer one, instead there were four

fist sized barnacles congregating behind her biased door.

Tallulah screamed, “How could this be?

It was supposed to die! Instead it grew three!

Everytime I close my eyes, or look away

you blasted barnacles use my bathroom for play.

This will go on no longer” Tallulah swore,

“I will stay here and watch you barnacles behind my bathroom door”

And so Tallulah perched herself on her porcelain throne,

not daring to look away in case the germs decided to clone

themselves again, out of unnatural spite.

She would not move even when the sun went down for the night

Tallulah would neither sleep nor snore;

she had to watch the barnacles behind her bathroom door.

The longer she stared, the more she grew irate.

There was nothing worse than being tormented by the very thing she hates.

The ugly scaly leech was nothing more than a pest.

Yet since it’s arrival, Tallulah could find no peace in rest.

Her thoughts only grew more and more

about the barnacles behind her bathroom door.

What was it attached to? How did it live?

She had used all the kelp she had, there was nothing more to give.

Surely it would perish soon, Tallulah kept the bathroom dry.

She hadn’t showered in days in any attempt to make it die.

Tallulah would do whatever it took to implore

the stubborn barnacles from behind her bathroom door.

She wouldn’t leave, she couldn’t leave

All she could do was watch and grieve.

Was it getting bigger while she sat and stared?

Was it waiting for her to snap and get scared?

She wasn’t scared and she wouldn’t fall for

the sly tricks of the barnacles behind her bathroom door.

Did it wait for her to foolishly touch it?

She laughed, as if she’d fall for such a bit!

From the moment she saw the sharp, disgusting leech

she knew better than to get within a bare arm’s reach.

Slowly, Tallulah grew mad being trapped indoors

with the four plotting barnacles behind her bathroom door.

No longer knew of the time that passed.

no longer realizing that it traveled quite fast.

She only knew that she was starting to win

this one sided battle she apparently was in.

It was an unfair match-up, but she was starting to score

since as long as she watched, the barnacles grew no more.

She was proud of her findings, enough to be put to ease

that she no longer had to suffer with this mental disease.

All she would have to do, in order to be free,

was stare at the barnacle until it wished it never left the sea.

Tallulah would glare until all four barnacles tore

their lecherous bodies from behind her bathroom door. 

Time continued to pass with no end near.

“How could it be? Why are they still here?”

Tallulah was furious, filling up with rage

at the four parasites that made her bathroom a cage.

She screamed, she yelled, she even swore

at the sadistic barnacles behind her fucking door.

She was so upset, she looked away

to wipe at her face in a distraught array. 

She closed her eyes for a second, but now she could see

her wall that she almost confused for a boat at sea.

Now there were bunches! Barnacles galore!

The blasted barnacles were all over the wall behind her bathroom door!

Tallulah could no longer bear

to watch the barnacles attack without a care.

The future she had imagined hadn’t look as bleak

All she could do was let out a loud, chilling shriek

She could no longer participate in this war

She gave up, losing to the barnacles behind her door. 

It didn’t take long for the rumor to spread,

for the unfortunate story to plant itself in every unsuspecting head.

It was a madness that steadily began to grow.

Like most madnesses, it started off slow.

There were many whispers that quietly asked for

the story of the girl who didn’t come out anymore.

After hearing the alarming scream,

many neighbors had gathered up a team.

The brave team was curtly ordered to find

what their peculiar neighbor, Tallulah, had confined

in the apartment she didn’t leave anymore

since the last time she had closed her door. 

When the team had gotten to her door,

they waited, then knocked, then waited some more.

Until, finally, they tried the lock,

but it had been open, much to their shock.

Their shock evolved into a loud uproar

as they took in the sight from outside the door.

From floor to roof, not a space was bare

in every crook and cranny, there was a barnacle there

in varying sizes from fist to dime,

everything was covered in the marine grime.

They were in the bed, on the chairs, on the floor,

There were barnacles on every single door.

When they reached the bathroom, they were not prepared

for the even more unsettling scene that waited there.

The bathroom was the only room in the house that was clean

On the walls inside, not a single barnacle could be seen.

Instead, what scared the team of neighbors even more

was the human sized barnacle sitting behind the door.

It was too large for a barnacle, how could it be?

How it could’ve survived in there, no one could agree.

The team carefully left, making sure not to touch a thing

for who knows what other troubles these barnacles might bring.

How could one live like that? Who could build a rapport

with so many terrible barnacles sitting from roof to floor?

For days, the people of Anri cleaned their homes

to rid the madness that could easily roam

into their lives, before sucking it dry.

The story was a nightmare that made children cry,

made parents search their homes, pull up their floors

to confirm there were no barnacles to account for.

But still, the people of Anri could never forget

the warning Tallulah’s friend had wept:

“Do not think of them, do not pay them any mind.

Do not worry of its whereabouts or if you might find

these stupid barnacles anymore!

Just remove them if they are on your door!”

Simple advice that couldn’t be anymore true

and so that is what the people of Anri began to do.

They feared no more of the invading parasite,

no longer searching for any hidden campsites

of barnacles in bunches of threes or fours

that might be hiding behind their doors.

And so in time, the people of Anri moved on

from the horrid news and from Tallulah being gone.

Every now and then, when someone would find a spot,

they would often try to rid themselves of the thought

regarding the story, nothing more than cursed lore,

of Tallulah and the battle for her bathroom door.

By Danielle Hazart