Asset Not a Burden

By Kalpana Rangan

We are the country that produced daring beauties like Rani Padmini, Rani Jhansi, Vijayalakshmi Pandit and Indira Gandhi. Then why is it that a girl in India is still regarded as a burden and not an asset? I remember a few months after I delivered my son, my second child, my husband’s aunt had come home. As soon as she entered, she remarked, “Oh, you are so lucky. You got a son while my daughter got only a girl!” I thought she was foolish. However, when I interacted with many others from Chennai, I realized their obsession for boys was widely prevalent. A boy was god’s gift while a girl was an object of pity. In Brahmin households a ceremony called, ‘Seemantham’ held in the eighth month of a girl’s pregnancy has rituals that propitiate the birth of a boy!

      In fact, this phenomenon is prevalent in the rest of India too. A lady who has delivered two sons is held higher in status than one who has delivered only girls. I remember when my mother delivered a third girl child, our neighbour, a Punjabi male came home and offered his condolences. “Sorry, phir se ladki ho gayi,” he said. He was an educated man, a professor in a college. If educated men like him had this attitude, what could be said of uneducated males! These are the same people who worship goddesses like Lakshmi, Saraswati and Durga and seek their blessings. They offer prayers to these divine women endowed with super powers but refuse to give respect to normal women who have great stamina, will power and discipline. In fact, they consider their women folk to be trophies and objects of desire that can be used and abused at will. 

     The concept of dowry in India also stems from the belief that a woman is inferior and hence needs a dowry to appease the boy and his parents to take her to their home. A girl has to be given jewels, vessels, furniture and gifts apart from substantial cash by her parents when she gets married. Even elderly women of the house join hands with their men to make undue demands. Recently, the engagement of a girl (known to me) was broken because her parents couldn’t book a marriage hall as per the specifications of the boy’s mother. 

     “If you cannot even book a decent marriage hall, it is not worth continuing the alliance with you,” she said authoritatively. Just because she was the mother of a boy who was an NRI, she thought she could demand at will and discard the girl when her demands were not appeased. After performing a lavish engagement ceremony and making preparations for the wedding, the girl’s parents had to start again their search. As for the girl, she went into depression and lost faith in the institution of marriage. How can any girl be treated in such a shabby manner? And why should she or her parents tolerate such harassment? 

     The other day when the news of the rape of a young girl in a bus was reported in the headlines of newspapers, Television channels cried foul over the bad administration in the Capital, lack of security and the danger of women travelling at night. Discussions in different channels by experts and interviews with prominent celebrities tackled the issue of Women harassment. Candle light vigil and protests all over the country for the safety of women and against the brutes who treat women as a piece of garbage were held. The whole nation was horrified by the dastardly act and every one condemned such an incident.

      Whoever came home discussed about it. Should a woman travel alone at night? Should she board a bus that is almost empty and accept a ride from any stranger? Shouldn’t there be vigil at night and near bus stands? Could the girl have used a pepper spray and could she and her companion not fight against the culprits? It was easier to talk in the cozy comfort of the living room. How can women avoid travelling at night when most of the jobs required them to stay late in the office? Surely there should be vigil near bus stands at night and women should carry pepper spray. However, the main question to answer is why should such a thing happen to women at all?

      I have lived in South Africa for seven years. We would occasionally hear about stealing and robbery at the point of a gun but hardly hear about rapes. Women did travel alone by foot, by bus and public taxis and drove alone to the malls and work place but were hardly harassed by men. How is it women are safer there than in India? Is it because South Africa has a permissive society and India is conservative? In the conservative society of the middle east, women are in purdah but they are safe, secure and highly respected. What then ails our country?

      The root cause of the problem in India and the atrocities committed against women seems to be the mindset of the people. It is a social evil that is deep rooted. It is a general belief in society that when a boy is born the parents are blessed but when it is a girl it is a curse that they have to bear!  It is a belief that a girl has to be looked after and educated in order to find a good marriage partner. It is also believed that a girl is weak, soft and delicate and hence will be better in arts but not in sports or martial arts. This is the reason why very few women are trained in ‘Karate’ or Taekwondo, otherwise essential to make women secure and independent. Even women prefer going to an Aerobic class or a Salsa session rather than enroll for a self-defense course. This is also the reason why brutes feel they can manhandle women as the fairer sex may not be able to defend themselves.

      So, how does a woman protect herself from lecherous men? To begin with every woman should feel confident and proud to be the better half. The parents should inculcate a sense of pride in their daughters and should train them to be physically and mentally as strong if not stronger than men. Television channels should have programmes that teach “karate’ just as they have Yoga sessions in the morning. Schools should make martial arts compulsory from the primary section. Let every woman’s idol be Mary Kom who is physically, mentally and emotionally strong. Dare any man to come near Mary and harass her. I am sure she will give them a few punches! You may not be a boxer like her but you can surely show your prowess in Karate to the wolves who try to make lewd comments or advances. Of course, do avoid taking short cuts through narrow lanes or getting lift from strangers who invite you to hop in. 

     Life is for living and living with dignity. Why should a young woman lose her honour and life just because of a few frustrated men? Whether it was Jessica Lal, Priyadarshini Mattoo, the young victim of gang rape in Guwahati or Nirbhaya, they were all promising young women with lots of dreams and promises to fulfill. Their budding life was cut short before it blossomed. Punishing the culprits harshly and without delay is the need of the hour. However, the incident should also be a wake-up call to Indian society to protect and make the life of women secure and safe. It should be a warning to men to respect women both at home and outside. Above all it should make women hold their head high and take an oath to become strong and equip themselves physically and mentally to fight against the beasts of society. It is time for women to be ‘nirbhaya’ and assume the role of ‘Kali’ to vanquish the ‘asuras’ of the earth!

(1345 words) (Kalpana Rangan, C-202, Jolly Apartments, N.B.Patil Marg, (Ghatla Road), Chembur, Mumbai – 400071.

By Kalpana Rangan