Arrangement - By Thobile Mfikoe

Written By: Thobile Mfikoe

Category: Short story

Competition: Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

Thobile Mfikoe invites readers into a deeply introspective world with their short story, "Arrangement." Submitted as part of the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026, this piece explores the complex emotions surrounding familial relationships and self-discovery. As Mfikoe delves into themes of isolation, acceptance, and the quest for personal peace, they present a narrative that resonates with anyone who has ever felt misunderstood or distant from those closest to them.

About the Work

"Arrangement" offers a poignant exploration of the tumultuous inner world of its protagonist, who reflects on life, family, and impending death. Mfikoe uses a blend of vivid imagery and raw emotion to convey a sense of profound solitude, while the epistolary format allows for an intimate glimpse into the character's struggles and revelations. The mood is contemplative, with a narrative that encourages readers to consider the nature of love and connection.

Arrangement

Original Submission by Thobile Mfikoe

Arrangement

Prologue

2055, August

I was never close with my family even when we lived in the same house.

Today I died, alone far away from my home and family. I was 3 months away from turning 25, the first quarter of my life, no one I knew was around me as I faded away into the darkness. Instead of being with loved ones, I disappeared without a word once I knew my fate.

I began self-isolating myself from my family in my early years of high school. I was never the favourite child, smartest or easiest to understand, typical but weird person growing up. I was never really close to my parents or siblings after primary school, I kept to myself to avoid comparing and hurting myself, I tried to force a closeness with my family and eventually found it healthier to distance myself from them. I became emotionally stable and happy but I had barely any connection to them.

Upon hearing of my inevitable death when I was 23, I moved away from home to another town where nobody knew me, to make new memories and bear the pain of my illness alone.

I began writing letters to my family to say goodbye and to be sent to them 100 days after my death.

Why 100 days?

I hope my letters will finally let my family truly come to terms with my death and move on, and a chance to finally get an insight to how I felt about them and understand me to a certain degree.

My family is probably one of my closest and closeted prides, but underneath it all there was joy, emptiness, and empowerment. I never could truly express nor understand one specific emotion: love and as I am dying I still don’t, but through my letter I hope I am expressing it in my own ways.

Please read them individually, I marked them to be read in specific areas, because that’s where I remember you most.

1- Master Bedroom

Dear Ma,

I am dead, I wish things could have been different but my death was already written with fate.

I know the biggest heartache you have when it comes to me is the lack of a good relationship with me, but while you were a good mother to me, I could feel and see the difference of how you raised us. It might have felt like I was low maintenance but I too also wanted birthday parties, or you buying something that showed that you understood me.

Do you know why after a while I no longer cared about having birthday parties? Me and Lethu were born in the same year but nine days apart, because of that I always celebrated my birth nine days late and only got a ‘birthday present’ on Christmas, and the one time I had a birthday party was one I shared with lethu, but the difference on that day was that I finally had a birthday party with friends and not family even though it was a joint celebration. After Lethu moved away, I was not comfortable being the centre of attention, and always preferred celebrating by myself and going through the motions for the traditional birthday dinner with family. Until I was 15 I was never a single individual but part of a pseudo-twin/ cousin relationship.

I also wanted you to be proud of me not because I could be a shoulder for you to lean on or an ear for you to vent or reassure yourself as a parent. I wanted you to be proud of me because of my accomplishments, yes my strengths don’t lie in academics or a strong personality like my sisters, but I feel like I was never acknowledged or valued.

But that was something I partially came to accept, that’s why I was the last to leave the house, I wanted to have a relationship with you where I never had to compete or beg for your love and attention. But once I was diagnosed, I decided to finally live purely for myself. I was never one to fight or compete where I knew I was never going to be the clear winner or choice, so I finally just let go, after 23 years under your care I decided to take risks and adventures before my time truly ran out.

But… Do you know what is the most ironic thing? You promised yourself that you would never be like Gogo, but you were. She never favoured you, never showered you with tender words and love, but you were always there supporting her where your three siblings failed, your relationship was so tense that even though you tried being the reliable and good daughter, there was always resentment, disdain, and hurt surrounding your relationship that you vowed never to be like her, but you did. While the negative emotions never truly surrounded our relationship, you always subconsciously showed favouritism and preference amongst your children. And honestly I could never fault you fully cause your experience with your own mother was never healthy.

After the divorce i believe you really tried to get me to open up and become close to you, but the moment you got divorced when i was six, I myself began changing, the self isolation, lack of physical touch between us grew and withholding my emotions just became more clear once I started High School and that’s just how I handled it, but your constant need to try and fix me or get me to open up emotionally just felt like I was a failure amongst your children and a mistake that you need to fix to feel better.

I never told you this in person because, whilst it hurt me to reveal everything it always left me feeling broken and I truly felt that while you heard me a few attempts to let you in you never listened and you would go back to ignoring and focusing on how what u said affected your emotions and how it left you feeling. I was sick for two years and never told you, it was my choice, it might not be the right one, but it was mine.

I wrote you this letter to probably give you an understanding and goodbye, I was never good at expressing myself but before I died I just wanted to let you know that I don’t regret having you as a mom and while we never had the best relationship I don’t want you to feel like I rejected you, you looked after your dying father while still juggling life, I didn’t want to burden you with that pain again. I know this letter will hurt you, it might possibly free you, maybe both, but I needed you to know.

2- living room

Dear Mo,

Do you know how much I looked up to you growing up? You might have had an inkling about it, as people around us especially Ma, were never afraid to say it. But yes during my childhood and early teens, though I never truly said it, you were my guideline to living, you set the paths I felt like replicating.

I unknowingly copied your interest, sports and mannerisms, you influenced my music and pop culture taste, heck you are the reason why I ventured into listening to Alternative, Country and Rock music, why I love horror movies. You are literally ingrained into who I am. Being my older sister at one point all I did was influenced by you, I even tried learning the guitar, but obviously that turned out differently and so did I.

Out of everything I think that one thing that will always hurt me, even on my deathbed, is that when our parents were getting divorced and we were the result of their relationship, you never truly ever sat down and talked to me about their divorce. Was it because you’re 6 years older and understood at 12 and 13 years old what was truly happening or was it because I was a daddy’s girl growing up even after their divorce? It truly pained me as you knew the whole time who our father was and is, but I grew up watching the man unfold right in front of me and was exposed to the bad and disgusting things he did.

You might have tried to warn me or stopped me from seeing him when you did, but let me tell you something I have never truly told our family, I don’t remember a big chunk of my childhood before 10 years old, so that’s why I have never confronted you about this, because when I try to remember our parents together before their divorce, one thing keeps replaying, Ma coming back from grocery shopping and suddenly he shows up, Ma sends me into the house and I watch them from inside the house, Ma screaming as he chased her, and one thing goes through my mind, he’s hitting her, abusing her. But I have never been brave enough to bring it up, a friend once said I don’t remember things clearly because I’m hiding some sort of trauma. The thought of him possibly hurting her is something I don’t ever want to hear, see or think about. Why didn’t you ever talk to me about the divorce? You simply gave comments like “don’t talk to him. Block his number” without any reasoning you were able to cut him out of your life effortlessly because you always knew, while I was making a fool out of myself.

When Ma sat me down and told me the details of their divorce the first and only time in private when I was 21 was truly devastating. I felt sick to my stomach, disgusted by him and truly disappointed in myself for having him as a father and looking at him as he was my biggest champion as a kid. However what passed through my mind was, why didn’t you ever tell me? You spent a year away from our family in another country when I was still a baby, when I finally started to see him for who he was, you were getting ready to leave high school, and you left for university in another town when I was getting ready to start high school. You had all this information and never sought out to sit down and talk to me. Do you know what’s the worst thing? I die without ever knowing how it truly affected you and how you felt when it was happening. The sad thing is that I could never go to Ma and ask her directly if she was abused or even if you knew. Every time I tried to bring it up with her she became more sensitive and you were never home long enough. He was simply a topic that could only be discussed at surface level and I accepted it. You both left me stranded with memories I can never understand or resolve.

What truly pains me about our relationship is that you left home to soon, and I was forced to step into your role at the oldest daughter to the rest of our siblings, you were the cool and fun sister for Bo, speaking to her once in awhile and bring her fancy things when you came back to the country, but you were distant with Ria and Fen, caring enough to accept them as your siblings but never there to give them support when they needed it. You unknowingly left all this responsibility on me, when I still needed you and wasn’t ready to uphold your mantle.

You were my framework when I was a kid and even when I started becoming my own person, you might have found our relationship to be close but to me there was always an unspoken distance that could never be closed. You chased your own path and I can’t fault it just like you can’t fault my own, when it comes to keeping everything a secret.

3- kitchen

Dear Bo,

To my youngest sister, I truly don’t know how you will take this letter, you might be shocked by some of the things I write, you might already know others.

When I found out that Ma was pregnant with you, honestly, I was shocked to come back from holiday with my dad and seeing Ma with a large belly. I don’t know if I was truly excited, shocked or angry about you at that moment, I was nine turning ten and I don’t really remember much from that period of my life before you were actually born. But one thing I’m sure of is that once you were born I was truly happy to have a baby sister 10 years younger than me, there was concern for you when you were diagnosed with jaundice and I saw you in machines before you left the hospital, I was always around you when you came home. Changing your nappy, feeding you, playing with you and just simply being around you, watching you learn how to walk and talk, reading books to you and listening to music were wonderful memories of you I had.

My behaviour towards you changed slowly as you grew up and I began noticing things, I suddenly felt like I was no longer our mother’s last born child and no longer had a lot of her attention, Middle Child Syndrome, I guess I truly felt like that for a long time, I was never shy to bring it out, even when I was ignored. What truly set me off and turned my fondness for you as a baby, was how the whole family treated you like fragile glass, and your personality was that truly of a spoiled brat. I simply couldn’t understand why you were treated like that nor could I stand it. At that point in my life I was truly becoming an outsider and opposite person in comparison to our little family of 4, I wanted you to be more independent, I became harsher towards you the more they spoiled you.

I think my resentment towards you has main reasons and mainly because in primary school I had to give up school activities that took place on the weekends, hockey, because it was something that was unsaid in the house but hinted at because Ma didn’t want to leave you on weekends and was tired or how I stopped hanging out with friends and going out from grade 7-9 because I truly felt like I should be at home looking after you when Ma wasn’t around, I willingly sacrificed part of myself for you and later Ma just took advantage of this and that’s how until you left for University my life continued. Obviously as you got older I began trying to leave the house more and just for myself, but by then I was no longer that outgoing child but so introverted that I simply enjoyed being at home and in my room by myself.

Or how you treat me like I know nothing just because you were academically smart, or treated me with disrespect and ignored me when I tried to give you advice, but you were never shy to ask me for money, do things for you or buy you food. I know what it’s like to have an older sister and I truly just wanted some common decency from you as I got older. The colder and meaner you became to me the more I retaliated with the same behaviour, I stopped volunteering to help you with school projects and preparing with you for your English prepared speeches. I think the one representation of our relationship, if I had to give an example, is how every year on your birthday I get you gifts to show you how I pay attention to you and how much I care for you, I never spare expenses because I know how special a day it is for anyone, and on my birthday you simply piggyback off of Ma’s gift or never give me anything, I put in the effort and you simply just don’t care.

I can’t say I truly didn’t have any memories that I can recall with fondness. When you discovered when you could draw I truly treasured the sketches you gave me and took my advice to help with your art or when you would do ‘Just dance with me’ or when you made food and included me in the portions. I wish we both treated each other better but that’s what our relationship became, but no matter what I will always be cheering on your success and good fortune.

4- Cherry Blossom creek pt 1

Hi Ria,

You probably weren’t expecting me to also write you a letter, but l always try to include you and fen. Regardless of you both being half-siblings, to me you both were my siblings just being raised in a different household.

I never truly understood as a kid what your birth truly represented and how you were conceived, you were simply my little sister who was seven years younger than me. When I went to his house I was so happy being around you at all stages of your life and having a relationship with you. Once I realised your birth was the result of an affair, at that time it truly didn’t matter to me, I slightly felt guilty once I knew of my parents divorce and the involvement of your mother, but as you grew up and began talking to me about your experiences with him and being exposed to him from an early age. You saw him being arrested multiple times since you were two years old, the first time you were aware, was when he was arrested and your mom left you and Fen with my mother for the night. I thought it was simply an emergency, but you were the one to tell me what truly happened that night, 15 years later.

To be honest I was happy for myself and sad for you at the same time, I never experienced his abuse against my mother but you did and multiple times, I never lived with home when he was doing drugs, smoking and drinking in close proximity to me, but you did, I was never truly there when he was cheating, dating multiple people at the same time, and getting married multiple times, but you were. You were there to experience his true nature from early in life and you had not only yourself to look after but also Fen, your mom was also not much of a good support system, so I tried to be that for the both of you.

Sometimes I truly tried looking after you in my own ways like giving you advice or simply being an ear and shoulder for you to lean on, other times I felt I wasn’t there and was lurking in the background trying to navigate the two households I was in. You probably don’t know this but there is one resentment that that just always stays at the back of my mind, popping in once in a while, but when you were a kid, he took you both travelling and to watch soccer matches at a stadium, and I honestly as a kid I truly wanted to have those moments with him as I was the only one of his children that didn’t have those memories. When I would look at those pictures I just always felt resentful towards the both of you. He is a terrible and shitty father but he is the only father figure I had.

I want you to go on living and hopefully the thought of your birth doesn’t weigh you down, you are simply the innocent person in all of it. I want you to avoid people like him, to continue on knowing who you are and never be afraid to say it out, just like when you came out to me. I hope you find someone who fills up the space I left void. I’m sorry I never communicated with you before my death, I simply just wanted to go through this by myself and I know out of everyone you would understand.

5- Cherry Blossom Creek pt 2

Hi Fen,

To the only brother I have, you might be eight years younger, but out of all my siblings you are the only one whose personality is similar, and you understand me more than both of us truly understand or are willing to acknowledge.

This is going to be a short letter because we never did like talking about emotions, but I truly enjoyed having a younger brother-even the hassle of it. Our father might have favoured boys, but you never lorded the fact that you were one towards me, at times you were oblivious to what was happening around you and the things caused by him, but I’m truly sad that you finally met the real him as you started university and had to stay with him the longest out of all of us because it simply was just more convenient.

I just want to say that I might not have been close to you but as you become a man and enter the adult world I simply only have one favour of you. Don’t grow up to be him, create your own path, give Ria the confidence in men, show him how a father and husband is truly meant to care for his family. Don’t be tempted by bad influences out there, don’t let your friends guide you into the dark, you might make bad decisions along the way, but as long as you rectify and guide yourself away from being like him, I’ll rest in peace knowing that our bloodline has some redemption.

Epilogue

I never wrote him a letter, because I no longer consider him family and I haven’t for a long time. I don’t know how my death will affect him nor do I care.

My life has come to an end and I am truly not sad about it. I had time to come to terms with having Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, I simply wanted to live and die on my own terms, I didn’t want my last moments to be dreadful and with my family looking at me sadly and changing in my final moments. I also wanted to be remembered by them at my strongest moments and never see me at my lowest.

I might have denied them the right to be with me until the end, but I chose myself and not them. Be what it may, regardless of the pain I went through I was happy until the very end with no regrets.

About the Competition

The Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar seeks to celebrate diverse voices from around the world. This esteemed platform provides writers with an opportunity to share their unique stories and creative expressions with a global audience. The competition highlights the power of the written word in connecting people across different cultures and experiences.

We extend our gratitude to Thobile Mfikoe for sharing "Arrangement" with us in the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Through this evocative short story, Mfikoe offers a heartfelt narrative that speaks to the complexities of family and self-acceptance. Thank you for contributing your voice and perspective to our community.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.