An Indian Father's Musings

By Sahitya Sikhar Ghosh

I am man, retired from work, tired but holding on, The golden days of my glamourous career are all but gone; Now I am grandparent, and my children are hustling their grind, While I sit on my rocking chair, with my past memories crossing my mind.

On one such day of endless monotonicity, my grand-daughter came up to my side, She had a smile of uncanny proportions, and her eyes were open wide; “Hi, little angel”, I acknowledged her, “What is the secret to that smile?” “Oh Naanu”, she chimed back, “Look at what I found in that old file!”

Upon seeing, I realized it was a photograph of my youth, A photograph which my friends clicked when I was at the phone booth; “Isn’t that the UK, Naanu?”, she asked, “London, if I am not mistaken?” “No, little angel.”, I said with a laugh, “It was a set where this photo was taken.”

“Oh Naanu”, she said with curiosity, “Were you an actor in your youth?” “No, my sweetheart, let me tell you the truth.” “In a few months from now, you will be completing your degree, right?” “Once that is completed, life is a long fight!”

“So let me tell you, sweet child, the story of my grind”, “The past which I wouldn’t change, the memories I can’t leave behind.” “I am a Mechanical Engineer, but I joined the corporate world”, “I was hoping with it, my career shall be unfurled”.

“But no, my child, my life, my dreams, all turned upside down”, “When I was called for my services away from my hometown.” “I missed my father and mother, I missed their loving embrace”, “I missed how they cared for me even when my actions were a disgrace.”

“I moved into the city we live today, when I was merely 20 years old”, “I moved with so many hopes, but was bogged with so many problems untold!” “At first, I decided to get a house on rent,” “But with my meagre salary, I could only afford a tent!”

“But, as much as I saw my colleagues leaving jobs to join new start-ups, “I stayed loyal to my company, and overcame all the hiccups.” “The early days in this city was nothing short of a nightmare”, “With terrible pay and minimal allowance, I could hardly manage the daily travel fare.”

“But then I stayed loyal, I rode the tides of doubt”, “I watered their fields of income, while I was reeling in a drought.” “I am not a nagging type, so after 40 years in their service, I won’t say I hated the ride”, “But truth be told, the day I landed here, the excited side of me died.”

“So, it was a couple of years of tremendous toil, after which I could purchase a motorbike”, “It was the best I could afford, but the machine I did dislike.” “But it gave me something to show for the toil I did,” “But under that leather jacket, a little dream I hid.”

“I was a lonely man in the city, I couldn’t afford to take girls on dates”, “I couldn’t afford to arrange good birthday treats for my roommates.” “But then when your Naani came into my life”, “I knew she was the one who would eventually become my wife.”

“She was a gem of a woman, she only asked for shared time”, “We were both new to the city, and we both met at our prime.” “I knew she loved motorbikes, but she demanded none from me”, “I decided that a motorbike is where my first investment would be.”

“I had to work overtime for months to save the down-payment amount” “I remember after the down-payment, only 10 rupees was left in my account” “When your Naani knew I had skipped lunch for saving the money for the motorbike”, “She was so pissed, she stopped taking to me, she went on a strike!”

“But then we calmed down, and I remember the way she hugged me” “The tears of happiness we shared, there was nothing like that I would ever see.” “Soon, she passed out of college, and we joined hands for our dream house”, “All this while, office work pressure was a wildfire I couldn’t douse.

“In an environment where hardwork was seldom appreciated”, “In a place where 10% hike was a dream belated”; “In some ways, my organization was better than others”, “Like major industry leaders, in recession we weren’t distributed termination letters”.

“It took me and Naani 12 years to build this place”, “Finally after years of toil, we were in positions of grace”; “I remember the sacrifices we, as a couple, had done”, “We were saving money when our peers were having fun.”

“Today, after I retired, I guess my pain has reduced a bit”, “But, do you think, little angel, that your Naani and I are fit?” “Fit to enjoy the life we put at stake”, “Fit to live the dreams we killed so that our families could take a break?”

“No, my angel, I ain’t complaining, I just am saying we chose the grind”, “No I ain’t regretting, it’s just dreams we left behind.” “See your Naani, she is sitting at the temple, praying for the wellbeing of us all,” “She might be weak now, but then she was beautiful and tall”.

“When she met me, and we committed ourselves, she had guys head over heels”, “If she wanted, she could have left me, and any of those guys would die for her appeals”; “Yet, she stuck with me, while I was going through the phases”, “She married a broken man, and faced the disgraces”.

“Today when I look back, I ask whether she got the best she could get?” “Was I a mistake, a person on whom she put a wrong bet?” “I shall never know that angel, because she is a goddess of a woman,” “With the grit she had, she would be a Greek or a Roman”.

I checked over my shoulder to see my angel’s eyes filled with tears, “Oh my darling angel”, I said, “I am sorry to have filled you with fears!” “No Naanu”, she said smiling, “I ain’t crying for any fear”, “I just am thinking you both had so much pain to bear!”

“Can’t all of us have a happy life, Naanu, a life of smiles and calm?” “We can”, I said while hugging her, “But then there are dreams we will have to embalm”; “It’s because we are the middle class my dear, the middle patty of this society” “When the rich and poor squeeze us like the burger bread, we are the ones with anxiety!”

“So, till the time the middle, lower and upper classes don’t come onto the same page”, “Till there shall be no illiteracy or disparity in wage,” “We middle class will be crunched, and both upper and lower classes shall enjoy their lives”, “Their dreams will be fulfilled while our dreams nosedive”.

“So, strive my child, strive to reach a stage,” “Where it doesn’t matter how much is your wage”; “Because in our society, if you aren’t rich”, “You have to be a beggar, or become a snitch!”

I am a retired man, with my grand-daughter in my arm,

I have lost a lot of my dreams, but she is my lucky charm;

I am a middle-class senior citizen, with nothing left to lose,

But if I get another chance, this world I would never choose.

By Sahitya Sikhar Ghosh