Alone

By Annesha Ghosh

It's your 21st birthday,

And the 3rd one

Without you at home.

It's more peaceful to believe

That you have achieved your dreams,

Studying nerdy subjects

At your dream college,

And shooting at random (maybe) people

In your Xbox hours.

But we all know, it isn't true.

Ma finds new excuses every year

To bake a cake a day prior,

As if you are the stone

That guards a flooded cave.

Flinch,

And you'll activate instant gush.

We understand, but choose to keep mum.

'Cause, sometimes,

It's better to be safe than at peace.

Life teaches you that in many funny ways.

She cleans your game discs one by one,

Every single day of the week and year,

The same ones she had thrown away.

Sometimes, I see dust in her eyes,

That reminds me of the silent tears

You might have bled

In your closed room.

Always in a closed room, 'cause men don't cry.

"Introvert", "nerdy", even "detached"

Are better adjectives to demand respect.

Baba has shed some weight, you know?

To fit into the jersey, you had gifted him.

The one that he had said he'll never touch.

But now he wears a CSK jersey,

To watch a game

Where he's supporting KKR (apparently)

And we all smile silently, at the joke

You had made, four years back.

Maybe you always knew

You'll win someday.

And me?

Well...you know me!

The social butterfly, heart of every party!

Untethered, free, or in your words,

"A Friday evening, a rainbow on loop".

But she sleeps to the tears

For her long-lost brother,

Tears that are muted,

But can smash your heart,

Like an easy-peasy pinata cake!

Happy Birthday Bhai.

Needless to say, I miss you.

We all do.

It's a rule in our home

To not put garland on your frame.

Just a false reminder,

That you're there...

Maybe?

Like the fading scars

On the back of my wrist.

You shared with us your story.

You told me "You're not alone"

By leaving me lonely in this big bad world.

Unfair, no?

You taught me to live by setting new rules

As if life was a game that you had designed.

If only you knew, it's ok to lose,

Your ego won't riot

For choosing "Retry"

If only we could tell, You're not alone.

'Cause, truly, you never were.

By Annesha Ghosh