A Whole Heart To Bare

By Samyuktha Prasanan

Mother, there is so much that I want to tell you

when you are asleep,

for what if you don't understand when you are awake?

I want to tell you how hard life has been

as I melt into your embrace

as my tears soak the clothes on your shoulder.

I want to tell you how far

I think about 'what will people say?'

that I'm not myself anymore.

I need you to hear me out

when I talk about the times

I have had to puncture men with

safety pins in the bus,

that was scary, but liberating.

You should hear about the times

that I tore away

from addictions and traumas,

but dear lord, I cannot.

I cannot tell you,

for you don't believe I'm old enough to

have hardships in life,

nor will you tell me to

live life like I want,

you do the same.

I learned to be a people-pleaser from you,

and I know you learned from your mom, who learned from hers,

will this cycle break with me?

Maybe when I tell you about using pins on men,

you'll scare me that they could

take revenge with acid...

I don't blame you though,

I never will because I understand,

I always have.

But mother, I wish I can bare my heart to you

and let you pick out the thorns

that are there

within the crevices and cracks

of my heart.

By Samyuktha Prasanan