A Teacher's Introspection

By Ashok Mitra

Leena, an accomplished lady, is well settled in London, running a successful boutique business. She had relocated there from Calcutta years back, after getting married. Over time, she developed a deep liking for London and became a British citizen. But despite embracing the change she never mentally dissociated herself from Calcutta. This was the city where she had spent her formative years, creating fond memories centred around Modern High School and Presidency College. She visits the city frequently and enjoys her stay by spending time with loved ones, catching up with friends, watching movies, visiting restaurants and doing all the right things that create positive experiences.

One day, while Leena was lazily browsing though one of the social media sites, she happened to notice someone called Rim. She was very curious since this name sounded familiar. She wondered, ‘‘Is this the Rim who took private tuition from me when I was at Presidency College ?’’

 So she navigated to Rim’s profile page, but the teenage face she remembered was somewhat different from the profile picture of this adult woman. Not confident whether this Rim was the same person or not, Leena studied her profile in detail and viewed the photos in the album. To her utter delight, Leena discovered that Rim was indeed the same person who had been her student in school and later completed her graduation from Jadavpur University before moving to Singapore.

Leena felt very happy recollecting the lovely memories of those days of teaching. She used to visit Rim’s residence twice a week and had become quite close to her. She also developed cordial relationships with other members of Rim’s household, who warmly welcomed her each time she visited. As a student, Rim was quite good and Leena really enjoyed teaching her. This was Leena’s first-ever teaching experience, which also provided her with pocket money through the tuition fee. ‘‘Oh, it was so much fun spending that money to watch those explicit romantic movies while bunking classes or trying out new food joints with friends,’’ Leena recalled.

Leena naturally had a propensity for finding out the latest about her school and teachers since she had left the institute some time ago. Rim, who also attended Modern High School, happily used to provide her with such updates. Also after the tuition was over, they occasionally spent some extra time discussing topics of mutual interest e.g. cooking, painting, needlework, movies etc. All in all, this association between the two of them was very pleasant. Later during her vacations in Calcutta whenever Leena was driven past Rim’s house en route to places she had to visit, thoughts regarding Rim’s whereabouts would trigger in her mind. At last, she got her answer and was understandably happy.

Leena soon called her husband and said, ‘’Do you remember Rim, my student ?’’

Her husband replied, ‘‘Yes, I do ! You have told me about her a few times.’’

Leena continued enthusiastically pointing towards her smart phone, ‘‘I traced her today. She is now based in Singapore.’’

‘‘Oh okay. But you seem to be super excited,’’ retorted her husband.

Few would be as excited as Leena under similar situations, but then she was different. By nature, Leena was vivacious and exuberant who valued past relationships and cherished nostalgia.

So with great enthusiasm she connected with Rim. Naturally, the first interaction was more of a catch-up session to familiarise themselves with each other's current status and preoccupations, as much as to reminisce about the times of their close association. Leena felt elated as the first interaction went off very well. But progressively Leena sensed a strange thing that she hardly expected ! Rim did not exude the same spark and excitement in interacting with her the way she did. Rim used to just respond to her messages showing courtesy rather than intensity and never proactively initiated conversations. She also found reasons to avoid or procrastinate future interactions that Leena wanted to plan. This was something Leena was not prepared for, and it seemed like an enigma to her why there was no reciprocation in a relationship that had been nicely rekindled after so long.

It took Leena some bit of introspection and time to clear up her mind. She said to herself, ‘‘Why am I getting perturbed ? Rim has a life of her own, both personal and professional, with her own set of commitments. Like everyone else, she is most likely busy with her priorities while also facing her share of life’s challenges. Surely, she must be content with the company of her near and dear ones who occupy her thoughts.’’

Leena also realised that the world comprised a diverse set of people who are wired differently. Unlike her, many people prefer to live life totally in the present without getting so much enthused about the past. Also, some are not as sensitive as she is and do not attach as much importance to this issue. Most importantly, she did not even feature in Rim’s life all this while. All these thoughts helped Leena logically decode the reasons why Rim did not have the mental bandwidth or inclination to invest additional time in meaningfully reviving their relationship.

However, it was not easy for Leena to have full conviction in this rationale that she came up with. She was unsure whether she was rationalising just to reduce the cognitive dissonance in her mind. But having gone through the process, she did feel a lot relieved. In her thoughts she remembered ‘Kabuliwala’ and could immediately empathise with the subtleties of his feelings, evoked due to the new equation with Mini after a gap of ten years. Yes, the nature of the relationships was different in the two instances, but the struggle to cope up with the reality of time was pretty much the same. Though Leena had read that story of Tagore several times in the past, it took a real life experience for her to truly appreciate its nuanced ethos.

By Ashok Mitra