A Home

By atm.itm

let my blood clot 

slide down your hand 

let my tampon marinate 

at the top of a bathroom can 

let your eyes follow my hips 

as you pull down my pants

wait for me to expose my private thoughts 

sticky between thighs 

think me yummy  

probably more disgusting

pretending to be stable 

damn this body 

shoot me down 

it’d be easier

to let my life spill over the street 

than to read another rejection 

8:36 pm

the sunday 

my words faced eviction 

no roof or hand me down clothes 

to snuggle thoughts into next week 

it can survive the cold 

feed off of dehydrated thoughts 

but does the body 

does the mind 

see the possibility of life beyond wishes 

beyond not fitting 

a chosen 

a wanted 

a needed 

to be kept here 

you can keep trying 

and it will be an effort 

that leaves you homeless 

so let me take that line of coke 

and reach my later year freedom 

my aunt has in her condo that she owns 

let me own what i can’t house 

what i can’t clothe 

bathe 

feed 

it’d be easier to crawl 

bring back my inner child 

to be scolded and switched 

rip off a branch 

hold me down 

it’d be easier to 

morph the marks made 

on the page onto my skin 

it heals faster than paper 

and it’s far more interesting to ask about those

you can trace the name of loves 

that hit hard and fuck slow 

you can kiss and spit in my mouth 

fill me up like a fountain 

it’s easier to be silent 

if i’m filled to the brim 

i am not a cup 

but i don’t mind spilling out more than i can hold 

it’s easier to live to please 

than it is to just be me 

cause i submitted 

and reviewed myself

and edited myself down

and it turned out no better 

or different 

just letters left out in the street 

unrecognizable 

but labeled  

unhoused 

if i could build you a home 

i let your letters be encased in honey suckle drips 

drawing out the stem slowly 

with a ready tongue to catch your fall 

the little of you will grow 

stanzas will be craved 

you’ll be consumed before noon 

and mouths will remember how sound taste good 

it will be a soft bed of cheese 

extra sharp 

no non-dairy alternatives 

you will clog intestines 

till people fart you out 

let the variety of noses 

smell you through a room 

and wonder … who did that? 

and i won’t say 

but it was me 

who let the stink out 

in a home that will keep it in 

rejection smells 

you remember the rancid copy paste messages 

collecting all the unfortunately’s 

till it leads to fortune 

a chance to be more than an aspiring writer 

we’ve written well 

sometimes shitty 

the shit takes time to get out too 

but it’s not the first pick , i know 

i won’t beg 

but feed back what i lacked 

what nutrients would have made my movement 

a bit healthier 

lighter 

more aligned with my BMI 

or maybe redirect me to a bowl that can take my shit

and piss 

and the mix in the morning 

when i’ve had too much to drink 

i think it’s hard to not take it personal

on a day of prayer (that i don’t do much of) 

on a day of rest (the i neglect much of) 

why cast me out further into the dark 

where there are no walls to rest up against 

no floor to press my cheek against 

no toilet to sit on 

till my legs grow numb 

you didn’t even give me a chance 

to finish my thought 

let alone my facebook market scrolling 

before throwing me out 

as kindly as you did 

respectfully 

i reject your rejection 

i think you’ve made a huge mistake 

but i won’t stay 

where i’m unwanted

By atm.itm