A Brand New Silence

By Inderpreet Kaur

In one year, a lot has evolved in my perceptions of life and people to my reactions towards situations. Developing patience was like a new hobby I'd never know; that's how many changes were inside of me. Everything unraveled to merge into a mundane life I have not lived yet. Observe through expectations and try to perform Eka Pada Urdhva Dhanurasan. Or maybe juggling the balls in a circus to get acknowledged and applauded but for how long? Sometimes, it is good to break a pattern that you cannot. Because there is a burden of responsibilities; you do not want. All of this consolidates the fact you cannot elope or run away.

There is a scream inside you, and how to let that out? It's suffocating. In all the tumultuous you lose yourself: the core of you is lost! What would you do? When did that happen to you? Why did you get so tangled? How can you break free? A plethora of questions holds you back. You begin to miss your older/ earlier version, what you used to be! An identity crisis. Like a stray, your feelings and emotions look for a safe way to stand by, rest, and solve the labyrinth. Everything came upon you like a Tsar Bomba; you ought to save yourself! There isn't any help; everyone around you is new and unseasoned. Hence, precautions are mandatory! There's a continuous trial of your mental health around known strangers in an unknown city. An outlandish place with a new language, different species, their ways, and everything you haven't encountered yet. What happened to you? Have you changed? You continuously question yourself. But the truth is you're processing everything. It isn't easy. Do you get trapped without realizing how you got caught in all this? You develop a brand new silence; you smile, speak, behave, and before bed strangle the little you love inside you. The silence was once the loud voice of your confidence. You drink the toxicity of a relationship like a sweet venom of a tear to keep waiting when it comes again as another mood swings for him. A brand new silence that hasn't brought anything new but lost a lot inside. The hollowness of feeling to feel nothing, believing it is what it is.

By Inderpreet Kaur