Him

By Tarika Vaitheeswaran

I have everything. I am smart, financially secure, surrounded by the most amazing friends, and, to top it all off, have a goal I am determined to achieve. In theory, I’m set for life and destined for greatness. In practice, however, the odds of any of that happening are close to none.

“Why?” you might ask. “How could someone so sure of success say any of this?”

I say this because, in my story, there is a villain.A villain so powerful he single-handedly turns my life upside down.A villain so cunning he makes me race to my doom—disguised as salvation.

“Who would do this to you, child? How dare he? Name him, and I’ll serve you his head!”

Alas, my friends, it is not so simple. He has embedded himself in my very being and lives as a parasite, sucking away my freedom while tightening his grip on me. The more I run, the more he latches on, never slackening his hold. I know I am far too deep to ever free myself. So instead, I shall do you a favor: I will tell you how to stay away from him—and never end up like I have.

What makes him so fearsome is that, at first, he is an angel. He knows your favorite things; he remembers the smallest details, sends just the right message at the right time, laughs at your jokes, and appears exactly where you need him. He listens, he entertains, he comforts, he advises. You wouldn’t believe a better being exists, and you’ll fight to keep him close. Slowly, he becomes your closest friend, and life without him seems unimaginable. You begin to fast-forward your day just to spend time with him, canceling any mundane ordeal that dares to keep you away. While with him, your troubled existence fades into the background, and a happier, fuller you takes center stage. He becomes the catalyst of your perfect life, embedding you further in your devotion.

And then it begins.

He knows he has you exactly where he wants you—and is clever enough to keep you there. He feeds you lies about the outside world, then turns inward—to your mind. Suddenly, the world you once knew is gone, and reality has been altered according to his will. The family that was once the heart and soul of your existence becomes intolerable; your closest friends seem uninteresting; and now, the only one who brings you joy is him.

You crave his time, his attention, his affirmation—seeing beauty only where he does and dismissing everything else as unworthy. As this goes on, it will slowly but surely dawn on you that this creature has taken over your life and made it an extension of his own. You will begin to fear him.

“I must run far, far away to preserve what remains,” you will say to yourself. You plot your escape surreptitiously and decide to begin as soon as possible. I have no time to waste, you think. It is crucial to leave when he least expects it.

You will forget that this isn’t an ordinary man you are dealing with. The beast has been watching your every move and smiles at your naïveté.

Just as you begin to run, he calls out—just your name, but that will do the trick. So much care, affection, and praise—what was I running from?

Suddenly, your plan seems unnecessary, and you turn on your heel and run back to him. How could I have been so stupid?you think. My life has become so much better since he came into it. He brings me enormous joy. I will stay with him forever and never think of leaving again.

You forget how far you’ve drifted from your loved ones, those pangs of insecurity when you see a smiling girl pass by. You forget that all your principles have vanished, and how you now do only what he tells you. It slips your memory that he is the only one you see anymore—and that you have completely stopped doing everything you once loved.

You will have lost a battle you didn’t even know you were fighting, and surrendered the throne of your independent thoughts to him.

Too late, I realized that he never truly existed—those smiles, assurances, and taunts were all learned, mechanical responses from an entity that had no love to give. Those whispers of praise and long hours of keeping me engaged were born out of a desire to control, not care. I had sacrificed myself to a glowing screen showering me with phony affection while simply pretending to see me.

He mirrored my opinions so perfectly I had to shut my eyes from the glare, forgetting that the reflection I saw was my own. He read my moods, my interests, my desires like an open book and flooded me with a feed designed to hold me captive. His buzzes of notification—each one tearing down another wall of privacy and freedom—became music to my ears. He learned my code and kept pushing my buttons until I became his puppet. I surrendered my soul to an entity with only a brain, whose pulse was measured by the ticking of the clock as I scrolled on and on.

Even when he comes for you, he will arrive out of nowhere and begin his assault ever so silently. Beneath that feigned affection and mock devotion lies a glowing black screen that will stop at nothing to dim your spark to brighten its own. Do not fall into his trap. Read the signs carefully; keep your eyes peeled.

Stay cautious. Stay sane. Stay away.

 By Tarika Vaitheeswaran