5 Stages of Grief

By Martine Rika Bergsma

She kept on fiddling with the silver butterfly winged key in her hand. She turned the corner and ended up running into a door that had a similar design to the key except it was made of dark oak and stained glass that resembled the colours of a flower garden. Shadows of butterflies danced behind the glass. Rêve inserted the silver key into the lock. It sucked it up like a vacuum, and did so with her hand… her arm? Her body! 

Next thing Rêve knew she was laying on green grass looking up at the blue sky filled with thousands of butterflies. Rêve sat up to see a forest of pastel-coloured trees, bright mushrooms and flowers clustered together. The butterflies started to gather towards a throne of vines and Rhododendrons. They morphed into the shape of a woman with a rosy heart shaped face and spiral eyes. She stood perfectly poised and curtsied her head in greeting.

“Welcome my dear Rêve.” She said as she glided over the grass.

“Who-what are you,” Rêve’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“You may call me imagination. Now come child you must be famished.”

With a wave of her hand a table set with many sugary sweets and pastries appeared. Rêve stepped toward the display to get a closer look, and somehow she popped right into a chair at the table. 

“So Rêve, how are you doing, considering how the world is,” she waved a few trays towards Rêve.

“Uh, fine I guess.” Rêve says distractedly trying to pick a pastry. 

“Fine she says.” Imagination says to the butterflies. “Well certainly not because of that other reality”

Her mouth twists in disgust at the thought of it.

Rêve delves into the pastries to avoid her gaze. She takes a bite of a pink pastry and instantly she feels the warmth of a summer’s day spread through her body. The image of a bakery and a woman with a familiar face sitting nearby pops into Rêve’s head. Next, she bites into a yellow pastry. The feeling of excitement and joy rushes over her, she remembers the feeling of being at a concert, she remembers the woman’s name, Amandine. She eats another pastry, a blue one. The feeling of pride blooms in her chest, she remembers defeating Amandine at scrabble. The woman’s hand seems to flutter towards her. The table fades out of view. Rêve is laying on the grass, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, her head is on Amandine’s lap or is it Imagination’s lap? Don’t worry dear, just dream. There’s no need to worry anymore, you’re here. Amandine strokes Rêve’s face but her hands become painfully as cold as death. 

“This isn’t an answer, this is an escape, this a dream, not reality.” A voice says in the back of Rêve’s mind. She bolts straight up and tries to run but Imagination grabs her leg, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Please stay, don’t leave me alone.” 

Rêve scrabbles to stand up and dashes through the forest that tries relentlessly to trap her in. She kept running till her feet started to blister; till the trees were charred black, till her lungs were burning from inhaling the smoke and ash in the air; till she could only see red. She collapsed in a clearing trying to catch her breath. The ground began to shift and rumble. Rêve looks to the distance to see a man wearing a sleeveless jean jacket and black leather pants; and standing Infront of him a businesswoman wearing all red? The two are shouting at each, waving their fists in the air and pointing fingers at eachother, and every time they stomped on the ground it would shake and tremble. Once Rêve’s breaths became even and clear she walked up to arguing march. She taps on the man’s shoulder and the pair both turn and glare at her.

“So, you’ve decided to finally show up,” he growled.

“You can settle this argument then,” she bared her teeth.

“Tell her,” he points to the businesswoman, “that it’s Amandine’s fault for leaving!”

“Nuh uh it’s Rêve’s fault she’s gone,” she accusingly points at Rêve.

Rêve is baffled by all their claims.

“D-do I know you? How do you know Amandine?”

“ ugh,” he rolls his eyes, “I’m anger and she’s-“

“Frustration,” she sticks her nose up at Rêve.

“So what do you think. Do you think it’s Amandine’s fault? Do you think it’s unfair she left you alone?” Anger steps up closer to her barraging her with questions.

“Oh please, what Rêve asked of her was unfair.” Frustration scoffs. 

“Rêve didn’t know her parents would disown her.” Anger retorts.

“But she knew of the possibility.”

“Even so, how could she have seen Amandine committing suicide!” Anger exclaimed.

Frustration and Anger stalk around Rêve like predators.

“She saw the signs. She should’ve taken notice of them, but she didn’t bother to look further.” Frustration says with contempt.

“Well Amandine should have talked to her. Told her what was going on.” Anger argues.

Their words swam through Rêve head. Building and building. Anger and Frustration overwhelming her. Their words drumming in her head. 

“ENOUGH! I DON’T KNOW THE ANSWER!”

Her words cause the world around her to evaporate and for Anger and Frustrations shouting to end. Rêve opens her eyes to find herself suddenly standing in an endless void of white.

“Who do we have here?”

The words popped out of thin air, black and bold. Next thing that popped out of nowhere was a man in a coat bursting with colour and swirls, zigzags, and stars. His hair stood on end along with his eyebrows. His face seemed permanently frozen with a smile.

“So Dear! What ideas do you have?” he bounced on his tippy toes.

“We could try voodoo or pray to god for a miracle. We could donate to a cause. Ooh! How about we help at shelter. What shall we do to fix this terrible tragedy,” his words zipped around her.

“Need help finding answers.”

A young lady holding a magnifying glass and wearing a Sherlock Holmes outfit, peered down at her.

“Aah my lovely assistant, Curiosity!”

“MISS. Curiosity,” she said curtly.

“Yes yes, and I’m Dr. Crazy.”

“So do you need answers, solutions, explanations, clarifications.”

The lady swiftly walked around Rêve examining every inch of her.

Rêve started feeling dizzy from all their words filling up the space. They kept zigzagging around her throwing out random ideas.

“Go work at a Zoo!”

“What if you became a marine biologist?”

“You should become a fashion designer in Paris! 

“What would it be like to work in a food factory?”

“Go, become an adventurer and explore the world!”

“What would happen if you spent all your money on cats?”

“You should study to be a therapist so you can help people like Amandine!”

“Do you think anyone would care if you just… disappeared out of the blue?”

“Why did Amandine leave you!?”

“You should be able to find some way to fix all of this!”

“Will there ever be a way to truly bring someone you love back to life?”

Their words rapidly filled the void , encasing, crushing, consuming them.

“IT’S GONNA BLOW!”

A booming sound rips through the air and all the words exploded outwards. A hole opens up in the ground swallowing Rêve whole. She descends down through complete darkness, till she ends up landing in a pile of pillows that are all different shades of blue. She tries to swim her way through the plush pillows that keep pulling her down. The pillows swallow her up and she falls onto a soft midnight blue couch.  Rêve looks around her to realize that she was inside a house entirely covered in different shades of blue. She then spots a woman sitting on a chaise lounge. She had long flowing white hair that drooped to the ground, puffy eyes and makeup smeared from crying a lot. She wore a deep blue coat that seemed to engulf her. She reminded Rêve of singers in the 50s like Marilynn Monroe.

-sniff- “what are you doing here Rêve,” the woman looked at her misty eyed.

“You know my name?”

“of course I do. Oh, but you probably don’t remember me, nobody wants to remember me,” she shook her head woefully like how actresses did in old Hollywood movies.

“Well then could you tell me who you are?”

“Oh yes darling, I’m drepression.”

Rêve was taken aback by her name and her smile.

“So have you dealt with all the citizens of this place, I know they can be quite overwhelming, but I guess they’re better emotions than I am.”

“What do you mean by they’re better emotions than you?” Rêve asks.

“Ah well Imagination can dream, she can create all sorts of beautiful things, Dr. crazy can somewhat do the same thing. Tho his ideas have a 50/50 chance of succeeding. His assistant is quite lovely, but she can get you into dangerous situations sometimes. Now looking back at Anger and Frustration they aren’t the best emotions, but they can get out some things still stuck in your system like I do, and I can see you haven’t let everything out.”

“I’m fine,” Rêve said indignantly.

“We all say we’re fine when we may not be, I’m depression, I know that you’ve lost the love of your life. You can’t hold it all in forever. I’m here, just let it all out.” She says in a soothing voice.

Something started to well up in Rêve’s chest. She tried to hold it back but her eyes stinged and her throat threatened to close up. She let it out. She let it all flow out of her, her tears, her sobs, her pain. But strangely as she cried, she felt a warmth seep into her. She opened her eyes to find a woman with honeyed brown hair, green eyes emanating a soft warm glow. Rêve was speechless, gasping for words.

“Hi dearie,” she cupped Rêve’s face in her hands, “I know it’s been a while since you last saw me, and this may be the only time I get to talk to you like this but I wish to tell you those that you love dearly are never more than a thought away, for as long as you have a memory of them, they will forever stay in your heart.”

“I miss you so much Amandine,” Rêve said with tears streaming down her face.

“I know,” Amandine smiled and kisses her forehead.

Rêve opens her eyes to find herself back to where she started, on the sidewalk in front of a door. She takes a deep breath and opens the door, ready to accept whatever happened. 

By Martine Rika Bergsma