A Darker Shade Of Blue

By Mahathy Mohan

there are a hundred ways i've fallen, thousands of times i've been weak, there were a million moments when i heard the oblivion calling me, but i was too far down to speak. there was a fire i never put out, i allowed it to consume me instead. the flames were too much to bear, but somehow they seemed better than everything else, better than what i was going through. they say it's never too late, sometimes it is. sometimes a person is just too far gone to be brought back. sometimes it's your fault, sometimes it's not. but at that time, everything is a blur. that time when you question everything, right before you take that last one step, right before you fall into an abyss of darkness, right before you end what seems endless.

that's when your whole life flashes behind your eyes and you realize that this whole time there was nothing to live for, but you still did with the hope that someday there will be. and as that glimmer of hope diminished, that's when i leaped off the edge and there was nothing i could see but black. you're in a room full of people, but still lonely. you are constantly tired, but can't sleep. you smile, but you're hiding your pain. you long to be with others, but you're never yourself. you say it's fine, but you're going insane. you say it's nothing, but it's a lot. you say it's okay, when it's not. and even when you say nothing, your silence means something. so what's more deadly? a gun or a thought? a gun might give you the opportunity, but a thought is what pulls the trigger. behind every smile, there may be a broken heart. behind every smile, there may be a haunted mind. behind every smile, there may be a silenced voice. behind every smile, there may be a dead soul. you never know what a person might be going through, so let's stop pretending like we do or dismissing it. everyone is fighting silent battles, nobody's life is perfect. everyone is facing their own demons, nobody's life is painless. you never know what a person might be going through, so let's stop making it worse.

By Mahathy Mohan