Pawn

By Kavita Chavda

They set me up high on the bar,

To fulfill their needs as they go on in life.

Didn’t really know what I was doing,

Kept doing it anyway for that supported my survival.

They loved me dearly in their own way they said,

Bringing me down so they can be up.

Projecting their demons on me indoors,

So they can shine outdoors.

Throwing me out there in the abyss,

They were themselves afraid of.

I was taught of love as playing down,

Tiptoeing around the ones I love,

Being okay with abuse,

And ignoring my own universe of needs and perceptions.

Self betrayal is a must when it comes to love,

I believed.

When I stepped in the outside world,

I saw everything I was blamed for as a way of life for so many.

I got mocked for the naïve in me,

And abused for the ignorance I held so dearly,

For that was my only truth.

Oh! I found a wonder.

Adults who adulted in a healthy manner in this world,

Where I only saw broken ones until now.

Alas! I belonged to the second category,

And figured that I can’t change my past.

One morning a flash of light woke me up,

Took me out of the world of resentments, darkness and ignorance.

Desperate, I decided to flow with it,

And now I’m sitting upon the heaps of broken parts of my life.

Where do I begin?

How am I supposed to know?

For I’ve only been a pawn so far

How do I become something another?

What another is there to become?

Where do I begin?

Where do I begin?

By Kavita Chavda