so not over you

By Prakriti

sometimes I start missin' you crazy

ain't nothing quite like you

love like this keeps going and going

I can’t forget you..

these were the lyrics of the song,I bawled my eyes too while it hit me with a thousand memories of you.

this was,

when my “do I actually love him” was answered with a clear yes.

I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you when I saw it in your eyes.

or was it just my feelings for you reflecting back...?

or why I didn’t tell you when it was just the perfect moment to.

maybe that moment existed just in my head.

maybe...

probably because I feared losing you so much

but now that I see you slowly leaving,

I don’t know what else I have to lose..

and all I can think about is,

just telling you,

about how I felt about you,

then..

and how I still feel just the same,

now..

in this world full of people constantly telling me and proving it to me of how temporary everything is..

I still wish to hold onto some people and prove the world wrong by keeping the promise,

I once gave you,

called ‘forever’.

I don’t know what we’ll be called,

I don’t know where we’ll be after all,

and I don’t know if I’ll get to see you bald..

all I knew,was to stick by,

the promise,easily broken..

the promise,I promised to keep.

but even you,

showed me how temporary it all is,

and how easy just walking out is.

so I sit here wondering,how I still don’t know

what I really mean to you..

or if I ever did?

but all I know now,

is that even after getting my heart broken,

by someone I cared so much for..

I can still hold myself strong to keep the promise and hope for that forever.

for I can’t believe that it’ll not be..

I found a few reasons to explain to myself,

for why and how we have happened to get here..

most of them were just blaming you.

but I’m scared if they were wrong and it was me who was to be blamed..

For I can never imagine myself ruining things between ‘us.’

or ...as I should now say..

between me and you.

after all the thinking,

I could only reach to understand that,

maybe some things should be left to not knowing..

but if you did choose to leave,

then I do want to know the reason for it along with a few other things..

like how can someone change so fast,

or was it all from the beginning,

just a mask..?

about how you made me feel the way you did? And if I ever made you feel even a little of it..?

about how all the promises made and words said were long forgotten in just a split?

like me,

are you still hung up on the memories we shared,

If not on me..?

and do you also,

sometimes,

want to go back to the start..?

none of these made any sense to me at all,as I felt another thought...

“maybe..there was no love at all?”

but that..made the least sense of all.

maybe something’s aren’t supposed to make sense..

just like it doesn’t make sense,

how I can still miss you,

In a room full of people I love..

and how I want to hear us laugh and see you smile, making your eyes glee

but also,

whenever I cry ....

yours is the hug I want for me.

just like it doesn’t make sense,

how I’m finding your eyes,

In every other person I see..

and how just a little smile of yours,

can easily lift up me..

and Just like it doesn’t make sense,

how I now, want you to see me happy and believe that I’ve moved on,

and that ‘I’m so over you..’

but a part of me also wants you to catch me crying as I look at you,

And whisper under my breathe..

“I’m so not over you.”

By Prakriti