• hashtagkalakar


By Nabiha Aijaz

I never knew that turning 20 would feel like abandonment,

Turning 20 means you belong nowhere

A homelessness in me grows and grows till I yearn to be abandoned.

The number 20 carries anxiety, an unsettling feeling, like a shirt buttoned wrongly. I remain as I am, hollow and loathing and jittering,

Turning 20 means being seen and heard and looked at too sharply, too disgustingly, too hauntingly.

What happens to a child when you lock her in for 19 years and throw her out when she turns 20?

I use the phrase "I am afraid" like it is my name, like I was born with it, like an identity,

I am afraid, I am afraid, I am afraid,

I have fears and anxieties brawling a war inside my belly,

It rises and rises and rises till I am nauseas and breathless and helpless, I vomit out again saying "I am afraid"

20 is the age when you are now youth but your heart dies.

What do you do when you are too afraid to be?

To be 20?

By Nabiha Aijaz

2 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

By Dharshini Sivabalan Prologue: Dear you, The wrinkled pages in my notebook are tired of hearing about you, But when we left that park, I left a thousand words unsaid, While all you left me was a fog

By Sawani Sameer Karpe When I see snow, I feel a sudden glow. In the thrush cross pavement, it feels like a melody. A thousand reasons, I should listen to my heart. And a million more to glow from the

By Antarjit Das Those curves…….. Worked just as a magnet; Pulled me in her. Key of a shut door She was like; Now it’s thrown open wide. Light fades; Moon shines With the stolen beauty. And this tramp