Quality Parenting. The Need of Time.

By Saket Shridhar Panicker

Parenting is a bliss, they say. To a vast extent, I believe it to be true because it helps being conscientious all the time. And trust me, no matter how wealthy you are or you have access to a lot of resources that make your life easier. Parenting is a thing that will always keep you grounded.

Quality parenting essentially encourages the children to develop the life coping abilities at a very early age. Particularly, the aim is to give children the best and make them emotionally independent when they grow as an adult. Learning to code at the age of 5 or 6, or becoming a grand master at the age of 10 can be a desired outcome for many parents today. But, as a parent is there any surety, if the child could reflect on intelligence? during adverse time and come out with flying colors.

I will share a small story for you to decide upon the moral. Remember, this story is an imaginative work but I am sure if you’re a parent you have gone through this atleast once in your lifetime. Read till the end.

Mohan and Sudha lived in a big city. Both were working professionals and were on their way to enter parenting. Sudha was nearing to the end of her trimester(37 weeks) and was happy to learn that the baby was healthy and fully grown.

Mohan kept busy all the time. Since he had to travel a lot between cities he could not remain all the time with Sudha. During her appointments with gynaecologist at the second trimester, she advised Sudha to not come alone to clinics for regular check-up. Even this time, she reminded her to take some rest in the clinic and then leave.

Sudha sat down in the waiting room to relax for sometime. She bought herself a cup of tea and began thinking for a while. Mohan loved her but he had to keep work commitments all the time. “What if, there comes a situation where he needs to choose between work and parenting?” she thought.

Sudha was a 30 year old professional and a dedicated employee in her team. She worked for a creative ad company and was known for best designs. The clients liked her work and would always prefer her designs for their ad campaigns.

Days were passing by and Mohan visited her twice after 37th week. He had to fly again to a different city. This time he had an early morning flight so he called the cab and left without a word.

In the afternoon Sudha started with labor pain and called her gynaecologist. The gynaecologist kept in regular touch with her she was prompt enough to get her to the hospital. By evening, under normal delivery conditions, Sudha gave birth to a baby boy.

To her surprise, Mohan was standing just besides her and she could see a wave of happiness on his face. Everything turned out to be normal and she was discharged with her baby on the fourth day.

Sudha was extremely happy to see Mohan share beautiful moments that she had been missing for long. She could see Mohan being around them gave her a feeling of fulfillment and joy.

A few months passed by and Mohan again resumed his work commitments. By now, Sudha had started working and gradually returned to a normal working phase.

A year later, one day she had to leave early for office for an overseas client meeting. Mohan was asleep. It must be around 10am in the morning when he woke up. He read a note left by Sudha.

It was written,

“Sorry, for leaving in such a hurry. I could not wait for you to wake up but had to leave early as the client would be sooner coming around 8am. Please look after yourself and the kid only for today, I will be home early by evening”.

Yours Sudha.

Mohan was astonished and thought it was reckless of her to leave in such a manner. He tried calling her but she couldn’t receive his calls. Being surprised in the start the day, he sat near the kid. The maid had fed him breakfast so it was cheerful and playing all the time.

It was his very direct experience to remain alone with the kid that day. At afternoon while he was in the cloud of thoughts the kid started crying. He took the kid in his hands trying to console him but nothing could work. Mohan took him to balcony and stood there for sometime waiting for the kid to stop crying. But it didn’t!

Mohan was utterly clueless as to why the kid kept crying.

“It’s been more than an hour, why is the kid crying”, he kept thinking.

He couldn’t understand the situation and started feeling helpless. Somehow the kid slept after crying. Mohan had a sigh of relief for few moments.

He never had experienced such a thing in his life. Nor did he take any time to understand the essentials of parenting. He was comfortable with the kid only when Sudha was around, but hardly attentive to the details of their routine.

The whole day he ended up overthinking and went completely exhausted with resentment. The only thought kept coming to his mind was, “how Sudha could do this?”.

In evening, Sudha arrived home only to see Mohan sitting on the couch with the same night clothes on.

The kid woke up and started crying again. Mohan couldn’t retain his frustration this time. Sudha took the kid in her hands and asked Mohan,

“Did he eat anything”.

Mohan replied, “had you been at home he wouldn’t had to sleep hungry”.

Sudha became worried. She immediately ran into kitchen to make some porridge for the kid. Secondly, she asked Mohan if he had lunch?

Mohan angrily said, “no”!

Sudha had to keep mum and stay calm.

Again, Sudha observed that the kid was in the same diaper since morning. She changed it, cleaned the baby and put him to sleep again. They both spent a silent evening that day.

At night when she starting serving dinner to Mohan. He started by saying her to never do this to him again.

Realizing that Mohan is still carrying his false sense of pride. She was courageous enough to tell him.

“What if something happened to me the day I gave birth to the baby while you left without even keeping a note. It’s been only 10 hours I left you with the baby and you don’t even know if he’s hungry or thirsty, do you think I should be listening to your complaints. Do you want me to listen to you just only because you stayed at home for sometime? And did I expect anything odd? You have to understand that this is our kid and we have to raise it. Complaining is not going to help. I never complained to you about anything while you were out there fulfilling your work commitments. What happened today was something that could have ended drastically if I were home any late”.

Mohan walked up from the dining table and went near the window silently. He had no words. Sudha came up to him and holding his hands in hers, she said,

“We still have time honey. We can start again. You should give yourself a chance to explore parenting, don’t you think?”

That night Mohan realized that how much Sudha loved him. She pulled him back. He cried before her and felt guilty for his utter negligence. The next morning Sudha woke up only to see Mohan preparing a good breakfast for her.

Coming back to parenting….

At the present, when we have a close access to social media with a lot of freedom of expression, the lack of quality parenting represents a global issue. Alone in the Indian context, where family values are still preserved, issues related to parenting find an absolute growth as the communication gap and lack of empathy are rooting.

If couples can figure and sort communication issues themselves and come out with a broader perspective holding on better family values, I think these problems won’t have any substance in the long term. A little ingredient of self-realization, open-mindedness, and introspection can encourage couples to remain positive towards their relation with the spouse and the child. Because, being a parent is just like revisiting the childhood which is going to be once again beautiful!

By Saket Shridhar Panicker