Janus Two-Face

By Sabyasachi Nautiyal

I look back and wait for them, 

For surrounding me is love of a kind, 

I think not before defending this love, 

Without a speck of doubt in my mind,

I see them, hear them, feel them everyday, 

Share laughs and sorrows alike, 

While sitting alone in a distant world, 

During the twilight after a long hike,

Slow poison invades my head, 

And I pray for this hell to subside, 

But I have no fear, 

I have only love, 

For I know love will save my hide,

But at times, when I use my head, 

An alien uncertainty arrives, 

Pierce my heart, burn my soul, 

For that's where my loneliness thrives, 

Two faces, Janus of Rome, 

You want me till you no longer do, 

O Janus, why jest me so, 

Possessing not a face, but two,

My word, such nuanced expressions! 

The tears streaming down as rehearsed, 

O my word, such strange folly, 

This utter loneliness, your curse, 

All I want, is to not be forgotten, 

To not just become an afterthought, 

The games of the soon that never comes, 

And the dreadful deception of this lot,

Maybe it's me, the root of the mess, 

Maybe, the mess will end with me, 

For I embody hypocrisy more than you, 

Your sufferings fill me with glee, 

For I may complain and cry and beg, 

And wish among you for a place, 

And tears may stream from my eyes when I sleep, 

I'll still be Janus two-face

By Sabyasachi Nautiyal