Anxiety

By Akshita Goyal

People say you are always shelled. Your Guard is always up. That You Never really open up Actually, I want to let my guard down on the table And I know, I am not the only one unstable 95 percent of people in their 20s become sad And the 5 percent left are psychopaths Or just fortunate, a word I really hate And while everyone talks when shocked, by this beautiful and ugly thing called life some, to relax, add layers of wax, to their bee hives And go further into their shell Their very own handmade hell So the more I am anxious, the less I will tell Well, Then you say just put your damn guard down Show up, don't say I am out of town I admit Your Advice is lit, Sadly it does not fit For I am the thing I fear I am my own 'Pennywise' from 'IT' So here it goes I tried standing on my toes, I stretched my hand really far To pull down my guard, But I don't think I can Coz I only fed it, with 'Complan' And for 10 years, it grew and grew Every day an inch or two It's up so high now, that I can't see And I stopped growing after 5 3' Yeah, height-wise and in maturity too So No access to fun, people, pain, love, life, parties, and booze, and The Complan too got over So here I stand, short and sober Tragic, I don't like how this ends Forever lonely, no friends Blessed with family, if only, I simply, told mama papa, I think I need therapy Don't know what they would reply But I could have at least tried Ok, so alone I claimed, my anxiety mountain And traveled solo You Can Call me marco polo Ascended alone, but the descend I will tell My triumphs and the many times I fell Because if there's anything I hate more than fate Is not finding anyone to relate

No awareness about mental issues you see Hell, I myself didn't know there is something called anxiety And I had it, Still Have it Fuck it So anyone who also suffers from anxiety And Is stupid in ways of society You are not a 'duffer', or a 'duffer' alone There are many, obsessed with the comfort zone It's not okay, it's not normal to have it It's not shyness, Not a habit, Not your personality, not a trait No, I can't close it, it's not a gate Wish I could express how much it hurts And How I want to shout these words NO, I AM NOT AN INTROVERT No, I am not an introvert I am human, I try hard to be social I desire very hard to be social I am desperate, I am pissed I can trade my soul, my life, to end this Dont record I doubt if there's a god, So let alone 'the devil', to make me this offer But Then I heard of a therapy market, for the desperate shoppers Hefty money they charge 2000 bucks for one hour Even for Follow up, no concession They treat Each meeting as a new session Took me a lot of time Not to recover, But to see, The justification for this huge fee They really listen, at least the good ones do How you're through and through and through and through and through See one line, one word repeated five times Made your mind sour Well they listen to this rant for an hour And then they try to make sense of it To understand why you misfit These doctors try to walk in our shoes Or heels And Slowly the enemy is revealed The triggers, That pretty petty lady, 'Miss belief', But Why do we host her, the bloody impostor Hiding in us as a subconscious monster Coz It acts to help us, then ditch Start-ups, see how this monster will pitch

"Keep me, I am needed for you to live"

"I will take your decisions, you sit" "And every time you go out of your home, fella, I will overstimulate your amygdala" "To make sure you soon come back Here, enjoy your 100th panic attack" So, now that we have seen, this enemy within Brace yourself, there's a battle to win Together, As samurais, my shrink and i Train for the mental game I bet therapy, now, doesn't look so lame It is cool if we change our view Bet the normies are wishing to be insane too So Faking huh? , that, you too are lonely Sorry, it's a fight club, members only

By Akshita Goyal