Always Waiting For A Tomorrow

By Bhavita Varma

I think I've always been waiting. Waiting to be a better a me, Tomorrow. The me of tomorrow doesn't have to Fight an inner war with herself to get out of bed in the morning. The me tomorrow won't like her dreams better than her reality. Tomorrow, I won't forget to eat all the meals in the day. I won't have to force myself to eat, Because that's what I'm supposed to do to keep on living. Maybe tomorrow, I'll talk to more people, Smile at more people. Tomorrow, I won't be confused about what I want and how I want spend the rest of my life. Maybe I'll just wake up and know.

The me of tomorrow knows everything she needs to know. Remembers everything she wants to remember, the small details and dates and deadlines. Perhaps I'll finally start trying to learn to play guitar, Or finally have the perfect state of mind to watch that one show. Tomorrow, I won't be so scared of trying and failing. I'll read the news and not be rattled by the world sinking into itself. I'll finally start trying to write, and write everything I've ever wanted to write. I won't be terrified of not being enough. Tomorrow, I will be enough for me and won't measure myself against everyone I've ever admired. The me of tomorrow won't calculate every decision in life in terms of the worst case scenario, She'll boldly jump into whatever she wants to do. The me of tomorrow won't vacillate between extremes, Of hunger, energy, and social battery levels. She won't keep switching between being an extremely meticulous person to an impulsive reckless idiot. Maybe tomorrow I won't find existing so exhausting, And have to remind myself of all the reasons I have to want to. But for now, I will just lay on my bed, think of all the things I will do tomorrow, Hoping the me of tomorrow doesn't wait for another tomorrow.

By Bhavita Varma