4-7-8

By Amanda Antoinette Rebello

Staring into the dark unflinching silence of our thoughts swirling like the storm outside our window

Hoping for a sense of belonging, fleeting emotion besides debilitating sadness steaming from a fear of failure

The storm rattles, rumbles & roars in the distance waking our corporeal bodies from slumbering nightmares of inadequacy

As we slowly drift into momentary silence before thundering clouds jerk us awake forcing us to accept our reality that we might always be inconsequential

Crying alone as we hug one another, slow tears grace our exhausted faces even though we have spent the last 4 hours in sleepless slumber, tossing and turning because sleep is a virtue we do not have or enjoy anymore

Our bodies numb, Our hearts empty

A constant headache extending longer than 4 months

All we can hope do right at this moment

Is to wait for this terrifying moment to pass, while we learn to inhale, exhale, function

Staring again at the wall, disabled proprioception

As the terrifying intrusive thoughts seep into our psyche, paralysing hypoesthesia

We don't hyperventilate, scream or shed a single tear

We feel nothing

Just the death of our reality as the rain pours in a final cleansing

Outside our window.

By Amanda Antoinette Rebello